Psychedelic Trips

2009-10-19T23:56:00.003+08:00

Dear Faithful Reader,

I have come to realise my pathetic cries for survival and recognition is but the DENIAL that my inanimate torso is forced to endure this incarceration. The inability to adapt. The refusal to transit. So, i sit in front of my quill and ink and spin my thoughts into poetry and plays so my mind do not remain idle. Yet, i shout out my name amidst the noisy crowd, 'KAREL! KAREL!' in the hope that a good samaritan would reach out her hand and pull me to salvation. This good samaritan i have found out, only of late, to be SOUL. Our soul do not change with time. It does not depreciate with wear and does not leave us in need. I realise after painful - solitary deliberation that my soul is a tangled web of DESIRE and PASSION, and it is an explosive mix ifone considers the self-destructive persona i have adopted through out my life. In short, I WANT. What is it I WANT? I want to be free.

"Coelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt" - HORACE
(Those who cross the sea change the sky above them, but not their souls.)

FREEDOM is an irony. How can you be free when you are governed by the powers that care not for you but only for the collective good? A power that concerns itself not with the cries of the decrepit but more with the intrepid? Where the smaller man is deemed less worthy of attention! Ladies and Gents, that is not freedom. It seems, to my amusement, we are both trapped in the same prison. I thought i was deprived of freedom, but now im not so sure. This place isn't much of a change from the hole i crawled out of.

Recently, i have sharpened my pencil with the wit and skill required of the pretty rhyme. I found i could tell stories in short paragraphs of sixor fourteen; or tell wonderful tales with the mere play of a few words. I have shared my fears and dreams -glorified friends- and even destroyed beliefs. I am the all-seeing eye of a world i personally created for the pleasure of my isolated self. Is this lunacy? Or is it genius? I say it is the act of freedom against the oppression of my physical self. My mind is fighting back. Hence, i am alive in that respect.

Come to think of it, i am NOT pathetic. In fact my attempt at survival and recognition comes from my primal need to be free. Deep in my soul. No matter where i go, in death or otherwise, my soul will be my good samaritan. To those of you who wish to be free, write to me. Tell me your troubles. Reincarnate yourself, and keep me alive at the same time.

Reply To: Karel Ishmael (L88193-08)
B4 Institution
Singapore 506986
984D Upper Changi Road North
(Include a return address)
Vita Brevis,
Karel Son Of Ishmael.

posted by,
Shirley Ishmael; his sister.

To Strike a Flint.

2009-05-29T16:47:00.005+08:00

Dear Faithful Reader,

I am sorry to announce, albeit belated, my incarceration in a certain facility i am unallowed to disclose. I am fine, i have no worries except for the occasional pimple or two - and my hands; they are flatulently writing at their own fancy. I am writing, as my friends fall victim to the drudging regularity of curfew bedtime. Yes. I am writing in complete darkness and no, i am not wearing 'night vision goggles' on my face. I just thought the effort itself will show how desperate i am to stay alive and not die (or fade into a background.) like how most writers will upon removal of the basic necessities to their art. For eg; the pen. The pen is migritier than the sword. Remove the pen and the writer ceases to exist. In fact, a writer without a pen is a contradiction. Say, you remove the paper from the equation as well. Now the writer is not only mute, he is also blind. As i have both these materials, i see only one problem to my art. Content. Content, however, seeks the approval of the subjective mind. Hence, my conclusion in this matter is this. I see no reason why i should be mute, blind or dead. I should be very much alive.

Unfortunately, this is not so. In a space of a year, i have lost family, friends and loved ones. My girlfriend i have not seen since November '08 (incidentally, she came on my birthday. That was the last i saw of her.) and my two lovely cats, i miss oh so terribly. Before i was sent to this detention centre, i released Toby and DumbDumb at the vicinity of Sims Residence, a place i used to hang out with my dear friend, Tin. Toby is a grey siamese cat and DumbDumb is a brown persian. Why i did not send them to a cat pound was simply because, i wanted to see them again.

Upon my release, i will comb that estate from top to bottom in search of my two feline friends. But oh, how easy it is we all digress. My duty here is simple. I seek like-minded individuals to wrestle with me on the menial debates of daily life. As you probably know, i have not much else to do here but write. Alas, i require a muse for my content, a challenge of sorts, and that is what i hope you, my dear faithful reader, are willing to offer me. Friendship, kinship. It depends on the proper striking of the flint. You hit it wrong, you are never going to get a fire. I hope i have been able to build a fire for myself tonight. I sure as hell know i need the warmth.

KHALSA CRESCENT PRISON
Singapore 758843
1 KHALSA CRESCENT

Your Faithful Friend,
Khairul Son Of Ismail
L881932008

an interesting take on equality

2008-03-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

2008-03-12T04:33:00.002+08:00

a man brought to life a lesson that i knew a long time ago. "laws are set by men. they will die if we kill them. so what is law?" well. i tried to keep the english as original as possible. but i was afraid u wont understand him. haha. this man extorted my 500$ armani watch from me. and tonight he called me and asked me to meet him. i was scared frankly cause he has a history of mental illness. he sat me down at the coffeeshop under my apartment and reached into his pocket. he took out his rolex watch. "nah. take." i told him no way. im not taking the watch. "take. now" so i took. the watch has an original retail value of $12000. my my. funny how i traded my armani watch for a rolex.

2008-03-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

First comes the smiles. Then Lies. Last is Gunfire

2008-03-10T04:53:00.001+08:00

it has been awhile since i posted anything intellectual on my blog. i feel rather deprived of pleasures derived off of simpletons like you. let me highlight the
natural events that has bothered and enlightened me at the same time the past few
days.

i woke up to the sound of acute noise reverberating through my walls. was it an earthquake? or a crude new high that i wasnt familiar with? i have been drinking brandy everywhere i go. buying bottles and leaving them to the bar or club to be claimed for another day. it makes things easier u see. most times i dont need to carry money out of my house. and not once have i not gotten drunk. slightly tipsy. maybe moderately dizzy. but most times drunk.ive made a dozen new friends. some we cant count with the tips of my fingers. some with substance. and some, just plain sorry people looking for a shoulder to lean on when theyre trying to attract attention elsewhere. simpletons. in the past two months, i shattered a car window with my elbows, i almost killed an indian man, hurt a caucasian guy till he was bleeding through his teeth, headbutted a rude chinese boy and left him with broken teeth and left stitches on my knuckles. is this the life i promised myself? hell ya. in a previous entry, i described a thin man who taught me to stand up for myself. my father. and i have grown to be the exact uber hooligan i was bred tobe. i partied like there was no tomorrow, and i spent money even a duke would be
envious of. but have i lived? i believe so. the transition i had from my 25 yrs of
life to the 26th seemed rather memorable. and i believe i owe it to a dear friend.
i learnt how to ride a bike at 140kmph. when just a couple of months ago i was
incapable of even changing gears. i was close to getting married. but i am content with the life i am living now. soon i will live the crazy life again. and i will be proud. my nose will be kept high and never again will i be looked down upon.

I have finally gotten to building an archive.

2008-03-10T02:38:00.004+08:00

hehe. i know i am cruel my dear. but i have to share with the world the wondrous times uve made me laugh with ur silly english antics. so i have dedicated a blog just for you.

Jolyn's Dictionary of Beautiful Imperfections

likes and dislikes.

2008-03-04T01:40:00.001+08:00

??? LSY ;; says:
i dun eat raw salmon.

??? LSY ;; says:
i love beef

??? LSY ;; says:
i love shopping.

??? LSY ;; says:
i love cameras

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
what position u prefer. hehehe.. raw salmon? haiyo! sashimi leiu.

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
good u know

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
ok.

??? LSY ;; says:
i love everything.. but not lizards

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
beef, camera shopping.

??? LSY ;; says:
ihate flies

??? LSY ;; says:
i hate ants

??? LSY ;; says:
i hate mess

??? LSY ;; says:
i hate lies

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
lizards flies ants and salmon

??? LSY ;; says:
and most impt.

??? LSY ;; says:
i hate FATS ard my tighs, my tummy and arms

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
mess lies, fats?

??? LSY ;; says:
i love my boobs, i love my mum. i love mr khairul.

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
i dont think so lei.

??? LSY ;; says:
i hate quarrels

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
ur thighs best.

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
love them.

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
i love ur boobs too

??? LSY ;; says:
i like any position.

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
yummy

??? LSY ;; says:
as long as it give me the satisfaction

??? LSY ;; says:
MUAHAH

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
haha

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
ok ok.

Anaemic Royalty - http://karel-reincarnate.blogspot.com/ says:
i write down everything

not a pleasant february

2008-03-04T01:03:00.002+08:00

i was lying on my bed with jolyn resting on my shoulders when a dozen CNB officers rushed into my room and screamed obscene demands for me to squat on the floor. that was how it started.

jolyn was a dear friend in my time of need. she was there when i was scared. she was there when i was excreting pus all over my knuckles. she was there when i was cold and lonely in the lock up. and she was there when im suffering.

she cried when i got beaten up by the police. she cried everytime i passed by her cell, thinking if this could be the last time she would see me.

but i would never forget those eyes when they looked at me and told me that she couldnt live without me. so dont leave her. they were the most saddest eyes ive ever seen in my life.

shame on u people who doubted her. jolyn is the best girlfriend anybody could ask for and more. shame on u people who left her and thought to look for love elsewhere. because u lost an angel.

i miss thomas. i cant wait to see him this friday. i tried my best bro to make things happen. but i just dont have ur pull. ur dad and winnie not helping. everyone i know is calling me to help them. and i am at a loss. is that the price i have to pay to be sitting here? is mr myfeet feeling cold in his cell? is thomas thinking of his daughter? yes. i believe they are. someone told me that quality is definitely better than quantity. and right now i have all the company in the world. because this boys have more substance in them than all the friends i ever made in my life. jolyn has more love than i have ever felt in my life. is this too bold to say? no. and now im sitting in front of this 50inch tv wishing we all could be here sipping cold beer together. ur wife has been crying for the past how many days. i cant take the sorrow man. her wailing penetrates my dreams and i am scared. scared that i might never see u again. good luck bro. we can all only pray for ur freedom.

jo. im sorry for all the wrong ive done u. i love u babe. more than u know. and i miss u tonight.

Whats happened lately

2008-02-27T11:45:00.008+08:00

DumDum!

this is cute little Bernice. i love this kid. cute as a japanese schoolgirl.

now this one. angel. i love u jo. u make the grey skies blue.

\

Jojo and DumbDumb. our new persian cat. fucking bugger still not toilet trained. shits everywhere he goes. fucking shitbomb.

We got ourselves a new toyota wish. well technically its a free car. cause the owner ran away wit our money and offered it to us while he was begging for his life. haha. what a silly boy.

Ive got a mission

2008-02-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

i got to get myself a new gold chain tomorrow. since my jojobaby will not be seeing me tomorrow i will have to fully utilise the day and try not to miss her so much. so, this be the list of what i COULD do tomorrow. (subject to approval from the queen)

- buy a new gold chain
- go to sim lim to fix thomas's iphone.
- consider taking up shyannes offer to go and shop for something for jojo for vday.
- buy a macbook air? maybe ill just have a feel of what its like and buy it another day.
- go out wit ahao for that dj from sweden shit.
- call my gf? and miss her obsessively? wait. thats why im making this list. to avoid that.

ive not been treating her well. shes been sad these past few days and i think i should treat her better. she deserves it la. haiyo. i have to set my priorities straight.

Overdue candid Pictures

2008-02-02T03:54:00.000+08:00

i was wondering what i looked like when i sleep. evidently, not too bad. heh

Jules on New Years. Silly boy. but i love him nonetheless.

Thomas, Me and a bottle of whisky. Who needs women? hsha. We have all we need there.

My first attempt at fishing. Didnt go so well last i checked. i dont have the patience nor the determination required to be an ace fishmen.

The guy who puked on my $300 dollar shoe. Haiyo.

Yvonne and Yam2. My newfound friends in JB.

Yam2!! hehe

Most recent picture taken of whosgoing.sg. memories.

You Tube Stars

2008-01-25T04:19:00.001+08:00

Marie Digby - What Ive Done

watch the whole thing to check out the list of other songs she did. even originals. best voice i ever heard on a girl.

Alejandro Manzano - medleymix
http://youtube.com/user/boyceavenue

good one man. too bad its so heavily reverbed.

- Lovestoned

apple bottom jeans, boots wit da fur

2008-01-25T02:58:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time - (the morning of thursday, 25th January)

2008-01-24T17:49:00.000+08:00

i got a call from my good buddy. asking me to join him for a jb trip to hurt some people. i was in the middle of drinks wth a hao. so i was a bit apprehensive and the idea didnt really strike me as exciting as i know we will just go there again and waste our time. but ths time, 12+ indian malaysians vs us four singaporeans and a couple of chinese malaysians. and the results were slightly over painful.

seated at a coffeeshop slightly off taman iskandar, we were waiting for the fuckers to arrive. we were not strapped and we had no knives nor weapons whatsoever. we were a bit frightened by the idea. when two indians came out of a car, presumably driven by our old nemesis, boy KL, and sat on a table near ours. thomas got out of his seat, approached the two indians. i poured out my milo and held the glass in my hands. hoping i could use it to inflict some damage. then, they wanted to talk. being the civilised people that we are, ok. lets talk. my friends went to their cars, and conered boy KLs car so that he wouldnt be able to run away. block his front and his back. good idea eh? until my dear friend, mr MYFEET accidentally bumped onto the bumper of his car. and the indian got pissed because it was his car. christ. he got people to come and they started coming out of their cars. carrying nothing but bulongs. who uses bulongs anymore? gay fucks. we got back in our cars. thinking they prolly got guns or something like that. the indian people amounting to about six of them rallied for thomas's door trying to get the key off the ignition thinking we're trying to run away. well then. that bad idea was what sent all of them to the hospital. AKAO drove his car straight onto them and ran down all of them like fucking bowling pins. i tell u watching that first sight was so cool. imagine people gut run down and flying 50 metres in front of u. that was what snapped me out. i rushed oout of the car and starting giving out a whole lot of hurt to those mother fuckers. they tried hitting me with the bulong but i just blocked all of their attacks and started punching them like a mad dog. at the end of the day they wwere just standing there afraid to come and attack. until i saw one of them lying on the floor. the leader of the pack. thomas was shouting at them. 'hey idiots. come and collect ur brothers carcass'. i came up to the fucker. and he was begging me telling me his leg is broken, he's sorry, 'abang tolong' bullshit. i ooked at him and said' you want help? very painful?' and i picked a police nightstick lying on the ground. i stepped on his head like a bloody pancake and i finished it off with a couple of nightstick blows to the head. the fucking thing broke into half. jesus. a night stick breaking into two. that must have dealt quite a damage. the fucker was begging for his life. but we didnt care. his friends were shouting police police in the hopes that we will stop. but we know. we're not really that scared of the malaysian police. that fucker got it good. and oh yeah. that pussy boy KL? didnt even get out of his car.

after all that. ida, his gf called me asking for help. they didnt have money to send that indian man to the hospital. 'help ma please'. FUCK OFF> why would we hurt him and then pay money to help him et better? stupid bitch. story of my life ladies and gentlemen.

well, the reason behind that fight was a long chain of events involving money. after which, they came to our house knocking the door and threatening to break it down. haha. silly fools. next time they wouldnt be so lucky. ill make sure ill be strapped. and fucking hurt them once and for all.

ryan got his fists swollen from all that hurting. he pretty much is the boxer of the group.

thomas got his leg injured because as AKAO was running those fuckers down, thomas had his leg slightly out of the door.

Mr Myfeet? had a couple of jabs and was trying to get back in the car to look for a knife. and his friends jammed the door closed and drove away. he got ver pissed off he couldnt inflict more hurt.

Akao? brought thomas's car with him to fix the door he rammed. hahaha. crazy la.

and oh yeah. I LOST MY FUCKING GOLD NECKLACE. fuck them. one of them prolly pulled it off my neck while begging for their life or something.

like i said. once upon a time. not a true story.

Rahul Dilip Bam

2008-01-23T07:47:00.000+08:00

and oh yeah. if u see this man anywhere. let me know. he is a dear friend of mine and i need to see hime. i miss him too. christ. let him be free. let him achieve his goals and his dreams.

im turning into such a pussy.

2008-01-23T07:22:00.000+08:00

i miss my family. you can set your watch and warrant on it. it feels rather lonely. growing up. you know? the independance i have achieved is rather selfish. my mum has been asking on my whereabouts. even refused to replace the missing bed in my room because she firmly believes i will return home one day. one sick and twisted part of me would just love to prove her wrong. but the other would like to just run home and hug her. my dad has been working rather hard for a living. and here i am living da vida loca. my brother, by Gan, i miss him. the cute little face smiling at me and irritating me when im sleeping. i cant take it anymore. i need to go home to see them. even for awhile.

on a lighter note, i bought a couple of books. 'God is not great' - Christopher Hitchens, 'The God Delusion' - Richard Dawkins, and 'The Dark Tower, the complete concordance', Robin Furth. hmm. the dark towers one i held in my hands once upon a time. even paid for it. but i returned it as i had no room to indulge on a book merely to be kept rotting on the shelves. now, i believe, i own everything there is to be owned with relations to the dark towers saga. sweet. i am the MAN. wait. where did i put the comics? shiiiit...

otherwise my life has taken much for the turn. i have found love again. i need to focus my feelings even better than i have ever done before. she deserves it and more. the sad thing is, she told me she will still be there for me even if i didnt give her everything she wanted and needed. without a moments hesitation. and i cried. havent cried in awhile. cowered in the corner of my bed and just shivered in my tears. i miss my family. but i am glad i am blessed with an angel. that explains why im still awake at 0734. however. i need to sleep. need to make jolyns birthday a good one considering today is the actual day. haha. i suck at planning special occasions. but im trying my best. please wake me up at ten. wake me up.

am i really trying to make up for lost time? or am i just trying to prove something to the people who just dont care anymore? sometimes we human beings have a queer way in expressing our feelings an emotions. sometimes we want people to look our way and see what we've done with our lives. its silly. but sometimes we cant help ourselves. i need to break out of that trap and i believe i will. or have i? im unsure.

happy birthday baby.

2008-01-21T22:29:00.001+08:00

Toby and Fred Perry. the tennis player.

2008-01-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

the Cat sits on the throne awaiting the minions to serve up well deserved grapes. Hallelujah.

and my new shoes. so coooooool.

Kisha Cheng

2008-01-13T10:21:00.001+08:00

irene just gave birth. so proud of her. she took barely two hours to get the whole thing done and she was rather relaxed about the whole thing. what a brave girl. AND! thomas is a father. haha. i cant believe i'll actually see the day where thomas will have a kid. its just crazy. she's so cute.. the whole bundle of joy thing fits perfectly. she is. a huge bundle. a fine addition to the whole shebang.
me and jolyn went to more than words to buy irene a sylvester the cat. to keep her company in the hospital. little did i realise i grew more attached to the bugger than i normally would. sylvester the cat is actually rather cute. hehe. he paid for our cabfare and demanded that he sit in front. cute la! hahaha.

well what that would mean, i couldnt possibly strike up so much points at more than words and not get my dearest jojo anything. its not right. haha.

shes checking the card to see if i left her any sweet messages. im glad i made her night. "i love you so much baby" i love u too dear. just dont hug it all in one night.

2008-01-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is 33% Female, 67% Male

You have a total boy brain

Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts

And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...

You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

My dream Car

2008-01-05T02:07:00.001+08:00

the mitsuoka orochi. a car built for me. it was named after the japanese folklore, 8-headed serpeant. sounds like fun to me.

however, this car would so make my day. i would make love to its gear stick even if it hurts me so hard. i love u Ford Shelby Mustang GT500. so much . hehe.

People and Creature very dear to Me now.

2008-01-05T01:15:00.000+08:00

haha. overdue videos from previous posts.

and this is Toby. at his best.

Toby eats Durians

2008-01-02T04:15:00.000+08:00

here it is. proof that cats do eat durians. jesus christ. i know. but they do. and this one enjoys it. Toby! love u love u.

an Ikea advertisement.

2008-01-02T03:56:00.000+08:00

my dearest jolyn brought me to Ikea this morning. said i needed a box to keep all my stuff. too messy she said. well.. we went there and grabbed practically everything we wanted. till the cashier girl left my da vinci vetruvian man on the counter. haha. we spent barely 130. Ikea is the place for budget shopping balls. and here she is trying to put together a cupboard for me:

here she is getting shy after realising i took her picture:

and here is the finished product:

now. isnt ikea doing the world a lot of favors? the stuff they have just generate so much love in the homes of their customers they should be given medals. hoot hoot ikea.

Rahul

2007-12-31T00:19:00.000+08:00

i came across this on my friends blog. its rather enriching to those of ou out there who feel the need to learn. hehehe.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007
more guns!

i have a sureshot solution to world problems. make guns compulsory. kill all those who dont want to own one. this can be done effectively by distributing guns to everyone. at the age of 13, every human shall recieve a gun. after that its upto them. lose the gun and you get a bullet in the face for being so careless. any person with more than 10 kills has the right to apply for a second gun. this would be excellent because -

- all those fuckin retards who are tired of their lives can end them without any fuss, ensuring that they dont make their lives more painful and ridding the world of their constant cribbing.
- those who grow increasingly unpopular would have to watch out for every person, because anybody could be gunning for him/her. people would automatically become better humans. those who do not will be shot sooner or later.
- wealth distribution would be evened out. some rich people would definitely be killed and their wealth would dissipate among the poorer. if you want something from someone and dont get it by asking just shoot them. in any case the problem would be solved in a quick and sureshot manner. either u kill the person, in which case you would get whatever it is that u wanted. in case the other person kicks your ass at shooting and you die, then he/she can go on with life.
- this would make real life infinitely more interesting.
- its more power to whomsoever wants.

anyways, there are a lot more reasons. i m not going to go into it because i have better things to do. so go get yourself a gun. it will enrich your life. if u dont agree with this then just do us all a favor and drown yourself in your bathtub. even better, shoot yourself.

at 11:15:00 AM Labels: guns, kill

2007-12-31T00:06:00.000+08:00

bling bling. it glitters. i love my new watches. theyre like a pair waiting to be united on one man's hand. total cost - $1000 plus. i think. could be more. *smugs.

28th December 2007

2007-12-28T23:59:00.001+08:00

i will never forget this date. me, ahao, jules, and kyle went down to fields avenue, tanjong pagar. thinking we'll have a couple of drinks and support ferlin. what i didnt expect was.. the night turn out into the most hilarious time of my life. fucking freaking A. hahahah. i lost $800 and my new 6500s. hahaha. and the bill amounted to $1300. crazy. oh yeah. let me begin with the morning of 27th december.

i went out with a hao.. did a few shopping. bought two emporio armani watches. one gold chain with jade pendant. started the day with 6000. entered the evening with 4000.

we initially thought of going to dbl o.. so we went to jolyns workplace, accompanied her awhile.. then left. and after some thought, we decided to go to fields avenue. we bought a bottle of chivas.. and started to proceed to the counter. so its me, hao, kai and jules. with ferlin being our bartender. she matched every shot we swallowed and lets just say at the end of the day.. me, her, and jules were fuckin smashed. in total we bought two chivas and 80 tequila shots. my goodness. a hao and kyle were very careful. for what. i do not know. hahaha. ferlins the one working and theyre the ones who are holding back. hahaha. but... cut short to the time where we're on our way home. cause thats the best part. a hao put me, jules and kyle in a cab.. and next thing he knows is, he had to go all the way to the middle of the cte cause kyle asked for help. the cab driver kicked us out of the cab and there i was. lying down in the middle of the expressway with jules on my shoulder. we both passed out. hahaha.

fast forward to my room. there were 6 people screaming at the top of their lungs at 3 am in the morning. hahaha. oh. 5. jules was passed out on my bed. my crying for thomas, erni nagging at me. a hao telling me to stop crying cause im a man. kyle feeling very stressed with the whole situation. and thomas screaming at everyone to shut the fuck up. hahahaha. oh. ferlin passed out too. and she was supposed to end work at four. haha. anyways.. thomas was pissed off that i lost my phone. so he ran out and got me the exact same one. hahaha. i love him. erni was so angry i got drunk till i lost consciousness that she conjured a drink. mixed with salt i think. and she forced it down my throat telling me that it will help me. hahaha... ?? really? im not sure.

but i love them. kyle held on to my stack of 50 dollar notes for me. he could have kept it and said that they were lost. but he didnt. for that kyle, i love you.

a hao could have stayed at fields avenue with that girl? ivory? hehehe. instead he left her hanging and ran straight to the expressway to look for me. i love you hao.

jules? he passed out too. for that i love him.

thomas? hehehehehe.. i spat at him as he was wiping the vomit off my face. and he didnt get angry. saying i love you here would mean u dont already know.

erni? hehehehe.. sooorry. i love you too.

i have good friends. dear friends. and i will never forget them.

My New Phone

2007-12-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

i lost my new phone... (insert sad face here*) but.. hehehe i got the exact same one. new line.. my new number is.. 9157**** hahah. ill send a mass message to all of you my new number alright? so again... MY NEW PHONE!!!!!! heheheh

My New Phone

2007-12-27T05:46:00.000+08:00

Sweet. the Nokia 6500s. The 's' is for Slide. hah. first target achieved. Maybe i'll hook me up an N81 tomorrow just for kicks.

Jolly little Christmas.

2007-12-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

i was trapped in some quiet secluded pub in Boat Quay. initially it was rather slow, my christmas celebration. had a good dinner with jolyn, went all over the place, paid cover for Dbl O for reasons unknown, hahaha. seeing how i didnt drink a single glass.. tried attica, but left the moment i saw how dull it would potentially be, ( i hate queueing) and then, i settled for dreamers. irony of it, i had the most pleasant christmas in years, with christmas being the season of giving. and friends gathering. i met Teo Teng Hoo. a dear old friend of mine who was flung away from me in BMT. i missed him. and then.. of all people, i met Jaslin. haha.. my dearest Jas. glad to see youre leading a good life. i know. all relationships have problems my friend. stand on ur own two feet. told u then, still telling u now. hehehe. merry christmas to you. Jolyn? my christmas was awesome. love you lots my dear. thanks for making it a good one.

Mazda RX8

2007-12-24T05:43:00.001+08:00

a good friend of mine mentioned the possibilities of owning my own RX8. that will be sweet considering how it has been a pipe dream for me for so long. one black one, and another white. i would love to have the whte one. equipped with racing stripes and a cool looking hammerhead spoiler. his black one would probably be equipped with something that plays really loud music, while mine would be simple. yes sleek. painted with white chrome paint, and a bodykit to boot. that would prolly set me back by ten k. but rinngit would mean im paying half. that would be my new years resolution for 2008. and i would like to be earning that much by then.

and oh yeah. my dearest friends. one have deluded me ever since i went down the road to self enlightenment. basically, ever since i thought too much of myself... i tend to forget her. shes been a good friend. still there after all these years. and the other? well lets just say he left me no room to be a friend for the past few years. thank you for reuniting us. and yes yaya.. i will print ur cute face and paste it on my room wall.

the irony of it is.. the three of us have been friends since i first knew her. what? five years ago? six? lost count. hahah. i know u read my blog babe. so this is a hello to you.

ive not been writing productive things on my blog lately. principles ive stood by for the past 25 years were torn apart by the previous posts. i shall leave them there though. in the hope of reminding myself what i have become. i dont like to whine, and moan in public. and i certainly do not enjoy being seen as weak. alright, i admit. i have been rather childish. but all that will stop. i am beginning a new sprout. one that will grow between my fingers and one i will tend and care to. my previous mistakes will be forgotten. and i will shun those memories aside as i have no future use of them. lessons will be learnt. yes. i will not voluntarily receive gifts from my girlfriend anymore. even through generosity i will reject as it will come back and bite me at the end of the day. haha. some people just cant do things wth sincerity.

however. i will forever be blessed by the memories of my friends. a few of them i forgot i had. that was my bad. im sorry guys. sometimes i succumb to the laws of survival too much i forgot i dont have to go through it alone. i still have a couple of friends who will always offer me their shoulders. even after years of neglecting them. and i still have a friend some where.. suffering? living in fear? or thereof. i will find you my dearest friend. my goal early 2008 is to go to india and find you. and tell u im sorry. ur mum has been rather worried for you. and i feel her woes.

i have a lot i believe. there have been girls who come and go. and come back again. and some i will never forget. but a few. i would just push right to the back of my mind to save me from making the same mistakes over and over again. yes youre right. hate is definitely better than having no feelings at all. bless you my friend. u have been forgotten.

anyway. christmas is tomorrow. and tis the season to be joyously jolly. only thing i forgot to do was to get a christmas tree. haiz. new years? ive rented another bus for my peers to come home from cafe del mar. whats that dj name? i bet new years would be smashing over there. christmas however. is a different story. i still wont be able to indulge on a big bottle of martell yet. (tuapao? cannon?) christ. that would so make my night. but i believe. new years would be a different story. mrtell bath anyone? jessssus.

my dearest cat have grown rather big. Toby. ironically, it has the same name as jojo's dog. which is Joby. isnt it sweet.

he eats, durians, cheezels, drinks everything and also. he bites. so well built for my needs. i love u Toby. muacks.

ignorance is bliss

2007-12-20T01:33:00.000+08:00

sometimes you have to learn to let go. you refused to let go. that is why ive constantly taken drastic measures to make u understand. now u might think u have. but u havent. moaning and whining like a pathetic little baby about how people should treat you better. so again, ive taken drastic measures. ive deleted ur blog. i hope u will leave me alone now. u know whats sad even after all the things u said? you still love me. you tell me im a monster. but you still love me and it hurts you to see me moving on. after me asking you the choices of my options, and you, telling me whats best for me, you still give me a hard time. i put it to you that you are the selfish one. and now. i would like my very best to cut ties with you cause i feel youre just bitter. and bitter people should be left alone to think. i deleted you from my msn contacts, and i will delete and throw away every memory of you. if youd like anything back, message me the time and place ud like me to drop it off. and i will see if i can find time to return you. dont call your friends to call me cause i will not talk to them. i will change my number soon. and i will be happy with the people, loved ones and friends i have presently. i tried talking to you but u ignored me. now is the time to reap what you sow.and dont blame me again. cause ive time and time again tried to make things easy for us. i have. and this two years was not solely due to your efforts. come onla. only idiots would believe that you actually put in a one sided effort.

i did slap you. with a heavy heart i tell you. i am sorry for that. but i believe we should move on from our conflicts. i love you. but find someboody better.

social night will be the last time i will bother myself with your duties. i will fulfil it as i have made a promise. however if u refuse me to go, also. message me. let me know. i will gladly forgo this endeavour.

this will be the last entry of you. remember. ignorance is bliss.

also remember. unlike you, i cannot harbor hate for very long. so if u have future obstacles or troubles. please call me and i will do my best to help you. even though we cant be friends even, you still used to be special to me. you will always be.

i am a monster

2007-11-20T04:11:00.000+08:00

you know, how is it when u love someone so hard, it tears your heart when she's not around. my heart is torn. there were many lies that ive told you. but this one i needed a lot of courage just to think about it. i knew i would break your heart. your sweet little heart. generous heart. but i was caught in a whirlwind of events, too deep to dig out of. too big to climb out of. i didnt want you to cry as the police drag my sorry self to prison. i was paranoid. shocked. worried that my next meal would be interrupted by the pigs. i was counting numbers even when i was asleep. and i was having nightmares i couldnt wake out from.

my dear. you have been the light of my life. the shine in my eyes. and the joy in my heart. i have never betrayed you. not in drunk nor in sober. it was a lie. i couldnt bring my self to disappoint u again. and i know. u have tried so hard to try and make it work, so i am glad. i am glad that u have the courage now to pull away. to turn the other cheek and live your life. but i dont. i am a coward fool, who will fall and turn to you again in my darkest hour. but now.. you are no longer there. and i am the loser. the sorry one who has dug a hole too deep i will die in this abyss. it is dark. and i am lonely. i am not a human being anymore. a monster destined to die alone, to rot. and be it be upon me that i will not drag anyone else into my life. for fear of the same.

i have lost my loved ones. carolyn, my brother. the other day, he cried and begged me not to go out. he wanted to go with me and was willing to drag my feet even after i forcedfully tried to pull him off.i am a monster.

some people tell me i will move on. i will find somebody else better. i have money now and money makes the world go round. is it? is money everything? money is the root of all evil and i have become the devil incarnate. the pursuit of money has driven me crazy, and driven my loved ones crazy. driven me crazy. and for what. all this money and no one to spend it with. no one i trust enough to spend it with me and not to be taking advantage of me. no one i would granted be glad to spend all of it with. george jung had the worst of it. and i am feeling his pain.

let me state the reasons here. for my own peace of mine however little it would help. - i was moving around all over singapore making deliveries. i wasnt able to find time for u. and that hurt me. - i was harsh on you. i was beginnig to be treating u as one of a lower stature. and that, you are not. you are a princess. and a princess shouldnt be talked down to. i was foolish - i was cruel. i seldom considered for your feelings an any subject matter and i would just say things that come out of my mouth and expect you to listen. - i wanted to provide for you but it seems you desire more things than i could ever dream of achieving. a lot of good things than uve been dreaming to have, that i felt i was incapable of giving. and thus i hoped u would find a better man. a man that would be sensitive to your needs. and not an asshole like me.

a couple of ur friends i treasure, melissa.. u were a greatfriend to her in her time of need. and for that i thank you. i couldnt be there to offer her my shoulder when we fight. but i appreciate u for helping her during her hard times with me. you have been a good friend to her. .. im sorry. i cant think of anyone else. be wary of the rest of ur friends my dear. dont let them break your heart as i have.

i hae not spent a birthday alone for three years. and the previous one, i regret, would be the first of many to come. youve always made me feel special on my birthday my dear. for that i thank you.

you took me on my first cable car ride as an adult. helping me overcome my fear of heights. for that i thank you my dear.

you took me to my virgin trip to genting. for that i thank you. i will never forget the memories.

you introduced me to the joy of teaching. the joy of imparting knowledge to kids. for that i thank you. it was a fun phase of my life. i thank you again.

you taught me mahjong. for that i thank you my dear. a skill i will remember for the rest of my life.

the list goes on. i will not be able to survive as a human being after you. but i will live.

you gave me two years of wonderful memories. for that i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i love you my dear. and you are my heart.

i took the liberty of copying this off your dirtylynen blog. it struck a chord.

"Khai fell ill earlier on in our relationship, bit about 2nd or 3rd month, when I was busy preparing for O'levels. I was at his house, and he was so sick. I kissed his forehead so he'd sleep well, and watching him sleep was wondrous. I wonder if he even remembers this, (; I studied for a bit, and fell asleep, then I decided to cover him with blanket, and left his house.

See? Kisses on the forehead is sweet. It leaves a big memory in me, a part of my life devours in kisses on the forehead. It's more than just your lusty kisses when you envelop tongue-to-tongue, It's more than just your I-want-to-rip-off-your-pants kinda kiss when you kiss the neck. It's more than just a peck on the cheek, It's a kiss on the forehead.

So, kiss my forehead please! And make that moment special for me."

i should have kissed you more, and make special moments for you. cause you deserve them. you deserve every bit of the kisses that i did not provide.

2007-11-10T12:04:00.000+08:00

The one that took my balls away. i didnt dare try this one. not on my life.(SpaceShot)

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

2007-11-10T02:33:00.000+08:00

i went to genting. again. this time along wit my old pal, thomas. and his wife. it was fun, considering the amount of thrill rides thomas forced me to take. but it was memorable. things i wouldnt do on a normal day. we stayed in awana hotel, for a couple o days, then went to KL to buy trinkets for friends back home. while in KL we visited the resident clubs, but zouk was closed, ironically. cant say it was for the holidays tho. but beach club kinda made up for the loss. here are some of the pics.

The Dark Tower Comics - Stephen King

2007-09-21T17:05:00.000+08:00

Roland. Finally in paint. My and my buddies used to think about the possibilities of Dark tower hitting the cinemas. there was so much passion in us to introduce the magic of gilead to the world. we would pitch everytime thatd dark towers was THE book to read. THE 'seven' books actually. and then, the only thing we should be expecting next would be the movie. no more lame Frodos running around with a stupid ring around his neck, and no more losers chasing after flying broomsticks. Finally, a gunslinger movie that even clint eastwood would be envious of. Marvel comics was smart enough to jump on the bandwagon. lets hope Universal Studios would have a bit of smarts left and quit those gay slasher flicks. Come on man. I wanna see Johnny Depp playing Eddie Dean Cantor. i wanna see rosario dawson, or even halle berry(corny) as Susannah dean. (Holmes, whatever) and Roland. Let me be roland. jesus. if i were given the six shooters roland carried, id start serving the white and kill every single outlaw or harriers that gets in my way to the tower. haha. Rahul can play the man in black, eh bro? walter o dim. Oh yeah. did i mention? i got the WHOLE FUCKING SEVEN 'GUNSLINGER BORN' COMIC BOOKS. haha.. sweet eh. even the first edition of comic-book 1. sweet. sweet sweet sweet. ad yeah. for all u dark tower nubes enthusiasts, here are some basic links u can go to to see what im talking about.

http://www.marvel.com/darktower

http://www.stephenking.com/

otherwise you can just go to any major bookstre and get ur books there. i recommend page one, vivocity. its a little expensive lately. dont know why. but page one is the only major bookstore in sg that carries the whole series.

i leave you now with roland deschain of gilead.
Long days and pleasant nights, sai.

Pictures from Genting

2007-09-21T14:05:00.001+08:00

These are pictures from Genting in which, is long overdue.

It's our 2nd year anniversary trip. 12th - 14th September 2007.

and then there was none

2007-08-19T18:55:00.000+08:00

frankly. id like to pack up my bags and just leave this dump of a country. the garbage, the misery and the obligations that the country spew is just too much for my little head to absorb. a friend once told me, 'Sg will eat you up. if it hasnt already'. hes right u know. if not for my friends. id have left many weeks ago.

quote me. i love u guys. if it wasnt for ye. i would be leaving gladly.

however. i have also this nagging obligation to leave because of the things ive said to some people. they dont believe me. and i think. being the egoistic bastard that i am. i need to prove myself right. i will leave. end of story.

i cant wait to meet RAhul. but that bastard's neither picking up my calls nor answering my messages. u fucking wanker.

otherwise, i have to either pack my books off with me or hand it over to a dear friend to enjoy. my toys? to her also. my clothes? not too hard to pack. so technically ive got a lot of time to spend away from packing for everyone else. haha.

christ.

TALK ABOUT BEING IMMATURE

2007-08-05T02:26:00.000+08:00

i shant elaborate as u have. evidently u think ure the one who built the relationship from scratch. you DO realise that ive put up with ur rubbish as well. every time i tell u to sit down to think about what uve done wrong ure more than quick to snap. well. FUCK YOU too. if hating me is the best option uve got after our breakup than i feel sorry for you.

i ask you to come back for genuine reasons. otherwise i wouldnt have bothered. shall i explain the reasons? and be calculative as u have? no i wont. i will though, remind you that i did try to make u happy when we got back together. YOU were the one who purposely behaved as if ure hard to please. come on. you love me? bullshit. this is the way u retaliate? then i didnt make a mistake in leaving u again. i never put my moral integrity on the line by making public my anger for you. if u believe that i shall be affected from this, then yes. im telling you that im affected that i spent 2 years putting up with ur rubbish to end up being badmouthed like this. fuck it la. u want to end bad. we fucking end bad. u childish fuck. talk about standing up for u. talk about being beaten up by a group of old men so that u can walk around my block with ur nose high. talk about standing up for u when ur friends desert u. talk about fucking listening to u when everything else in ur life goes down the drain. talk about being ur pillar? (you said that) u dont talk about ur loved ones like the way u have. i fight with u. we argue. complete isolated incidents over the phone u fucking moron. i dont publicise.

enough. u talk about how i disgust you? look in the mirror. i guess i have a twin. unfortunately, it doesnt disgust me as i have disgusted you. me? i just feel disappointed.

T Shirt Sale! Rare Harry Potter T Shirts.

2007-08-02T23:49:00.001+08:00

Harry Potter T Shirt. Size L. (Purple Kids Bloomsbury Ed.) $50 mint

Harry Potter T Shirt. Size L. (Black Adult Bloomsbury Ed.) $55 mint

Harry Potter T Shirts costs $90 if bought in pair.

Commando 'Leaders' T Shirt. Size M. (42nd CSLC) $20 mint

The Police T Shirt. Size L. (Limited Edition Tshirt) $10

message me via kronikar@hotmail.com for availability. alternatively friends are welcome to call.

2007-07-29T02:02:00.000+08:00

i have climbed the highest mountain.
i have run through the fields

only to be with you.

and now.

i still havent found.. what im looking for.

many things have come encumbered.
through the million fights i think ive encountered.
didnt they seemed right? when in pain i lash out in fright.
i show masculine, but in fact it made me look less bright.
i seemed blind, unable to see that light. instead forever covered in that blanket of night.
but now the end has seemed rather bleak
for all the things ive said im none the wiser freak.
and now i regret. cause the girl i love has made me meek.
but to start again.

oh dear.

i must admit. im rather weak.
i wont be able to hold my tongue for more than a week.
id lash out on her agan and we will continue to fight.
so for my love for her, my tongue, i must bite.
and hold back my tears to run and to hold.
for our friendship, and love?
i must control.

Marlon Brando (McCarthy), The Brave (1996)

2007-06-30T14:53:00.000+08:00

"i regard death as now a sort of necessary metamorphosis. perhaps the more painful the death, the more.. well, its a kind of refinement. you know in some ways raphael, i feel a kinship with you that we are of the same mind. watching painful death can be a great inspiration for those who are not dying, so that they can see how brave we can be when its time to go. it is a final measure of bravery to stand up to death. an exquisite anguish."

2007-06-23T16:28:00.000+08:00

blog blog blog.

back to basics

2007-06-23T00:14:00.000+08:00

a public service announcement. im single again.

today its all about sandwiches

2007-06-18T06:04:00.000+08:00

i went to a place cause i was hungry.

looked for a meal but instead i found a party.

there were many kinda foods which was to my joy.

sandwiches of all kind,

most i know u'll enjoy.

theres the heart sandwich,

theres armpit supreme,

theres even Rojak.

a big Mac was snatched away just before i reached for it.

but what i was queuing up for was the icing on the cake.

MASHED POTATOES.

haha.. it was a great party. i feel bad for you that u werent there.

For Fucks Sake

2007-06-12T05:04:00.000+08:00

in light of present events, i have decided to approach life in a slanted, defragmented view. my old pal, has flown to INDIA, and im pretty much stuck wit my hands. to write, type and scribble away.

it has been awhile since he left. but frankly, ive not found a buddy or a pal that can fill his shoes. no one to smoke weed with, swallow pills, play computer games, watch movies with.. no pad to chill with his buddies, his mum, my friends, his sister, his brother. no mother to cook for us when we're hungry and broke.

no friend to take care of when he's high and hallucinating.

no friend to take care of when he's broken up with his girlfriend.

no friend i can trust with my life, my money, my family.

no friend to share my passion of reading with.

no friend to share pirated mp3s, movies, porn with.

no friend to teach me how to fix my computer when it crashes.

no friend to teach me the power of language, cause he's the source of my intellect. my muse.

no friend, to be a FRIEND.

RAHUL. Long Days And Pleasant Nights.

hope ure having fun getting high and wasted there bro.

refer to (post) Chapter 6/1/2 - dated Feb 05 2006

movies

2007-06-08T08:45:00.000+08:00

fucking A... fantastic 4 silver surfer will be out soon. not to mention the Transformers. Oceans 13's out.. yesterday.. everything good.. back to normal.. new shows to watch now. Shrek wasnt such a disappointment.. in fact it was genuinely funny. all in all.. i miss watching movies. lay back.. feet on the headrest in front. my soda in my hand. and of course.. my intelligent mind so i can absorb what rubbish the western world propagates to me.

2007-05-28T20:40:00.000+08:00

i am still very much in six and nines. slightly confused in my silent pursuit of happiness. The Chariot. The Hierophant. and The Emperor. tarot proves that there is none that i cant achieve cept with the snap of my fingers. however. as Ka wills, Ka takes back. where i have sinned i will be great. Karma is one heck of a thin double edged sword.

2007-05-25T14:51:00.000+08:00

me and that.

for fear to be flat.. in time we'll all be fat.

for all our sins and all in between,

no time to put everything in.

for good therell be no end.

(excerpt from 'psychedelic trips') dated april 2005

2007-05-25T14:28:00.000+08:00

Frolicking

death.

i wish for it to end.

for life to cease

cant walk, cant sleep.

Cant eat.

hate's spreading like a rampant disease.

i dear passion. i crave companionship.

cant seem to have it in any relationship.

my dreams have shunned me

constantly surrounded by betrayal

not free.fear of loneliness frightened.

for life without hope i am not enlightened.

running thoughts in my head i always bring to bed.

let me alone.

Death is but a bridge.

fiery lava flows beneath.

and never'th a good thing awaits inevery package wrapped in barbed ribbon.

refusing to live

be submit o hatred.

2007-01-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

I was bored.

my turn to go on a hiatus

2006-12-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

u know how it sucks the blood out of ur neck when ure in the middle of a gripping climax and it just had to stop? when the fucking idiot tells u that they need to go on a hiatus? well... i need one too. i know scoffield's got his balls in a bunch, but he shouldnt be keeping us in suspense like that. Kellerman switching sides, Agent Mahone dead. Sarah losing hope. OMG. im just upset. AND... Hiro nakamura and his goons. Jesus. whip out the 'Heroes' in them already. theyve got skills but they seem to be taking a whole damn long time to figure those powers out. by that time, 'the watchmaker' would be too strong to cut down already. Anyways. im leaving on a jet plane soon and it would do me much good as well as bad. i'll miss carolyn and i'll also miss the cigarettes. heh. the cigarettes are fine. but my gf? ill really miss her. coming deep within the nether regions of my groin. heh heh. sorry darling. couldnt help it.

Ewan McGregor - Trainspotting

2006-11-15T15:59:00.000+08:00

Choose life.
Choose a job.
Choose a career.
Choose a family,
Choose a fucking big television
Choose washing machines, cars,
compact disc players, and electrical tin openers.
Choose leisure wear and matching luggage.
Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase
in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who you
are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing
sprit-crushing game shows
stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.
Choose rotting away at the end of it all,
pissing your last in a miserable home
nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish,
fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future. Choose life.

I chose not to choose life. I chose something else.

Hymn of the pirate.

2006-11-08T00:29:00.000+08:00

i have discovered that i do not have to actually 'buy' ps2 games. those of u feeling like u want to wise up, call me and i'll fix u up with ur favourite games.

Pangaea

2006-10-26T03:32:00.000+08:00

Like a window of one where light refuses to exit. Commonplace, yet obscured from prying eyes.We walk the earth assuming general responsibility. It is not our job. It is not our place.We are embryos. Desperate to reach out of the vagina. Desperate to escape into the light. 'The dark only makes the light seem brighter'. Tsk Tsk. We are scum. Alien to our pangeae. We should not have evolved. Like monkeys we grope for the next vine to swing to the next tree. I am not speaking for myself.

Its Me. And Im Home.

2006-09-30T23:49:00.000+08:00

The bird has erected itself from the fiery pits of fire. i am back. As a token of fresh acquaintance; i leave you with one of my old diary entry. the one from my Manson diary. unfortunately, i lost 'The Black Book'. sad day t'was for all of us.

30th September 2005
"Forever im lost, in debt to your priceless advice. The world spins in an endles circle. i embark on a journey today, again. to be lost in my state of higher consciousness. Perpetually high in an eventual nirvana.i like this feeling; the nauseous yet enriching whiff of perfume emanating through my sweaty and moist sweat glands. My pores vibrate violently, moving in a succession of random twirls. Sort of like an abyssmal physical attack on the society around me. Christ. i have a fucking headache.
A scentless apprentice of Mephistopheles. Will i trade 24 years of my life for bountiful knowledge and obscene wealth(Dr Faustus: Christopher Marlowe)? Most definitely. Although it difficults me with carolyn, i am willing to compromise my mental and future physical happiness to be God. Thus she, a Goddess. Life itself is overhyped and overrated. Everybody is dying to be alive. They fight, claw, struggle even, to have everything. Why be human? Why be a part of the mob? Did u know that death itself is but a bridge. it leads us to a greater world. and when i do sell my soul to mephistopheles, i will fight him. and be vitorious. Then, i shall be ruler of all Hades. the father of vice himslef.
is it in evitable? this state of mind where we are commited to the endless pursuit of fulfilment? i will shiver the whole night through. Suffice to say, i should make it beknownst to the world that life is spelt L-I-F-E. not M-O-N-E-Y.

its too long. i just snipped a little excerpt from my book. tll next time then.

the chapter ends here.

2006-08-12T19:41:00.000+08:00

where there's a will, somebody's dying soon. makes sense doesnt it. i cant blog anymore cause i feel that blogging has lost its sizzle. the pointless banter involving ur fingers and the whole of society just makes it ridiculous, to the point of childishness. i dont need a page to express my views, i already do it in real life. somebody told me that censorship has taken the spice out of blogging and i think she's right. though she did mention that everyone has their own flavour in activities. i for one feel that blogging is a waste of time so i shall now declare this blog dead. so i am writing this will. a will of my testament if u must. that i am sick of bloging. and this blog goes to whoever can afford five minutes to change it.

Chappy 6 - The girlfriend misses the boyfriend.

2006-08-06T10:25:00.000+08:00

Hmm, Indeed, it's been a long time since I've used blogger. But even longer not hearing the intellectual comings from the boyfriend. Yes, apparently I have to admit, it is intellectual. So where have you been, Karel reincarnate?

the 31st Century.

2006-07-22T09:16:00.000+08:00

although i have a thing against the popular teeny-bop scene, ive always admired Christina Aguilera. maybe its cause of her originality and her way of sweeping u off ur feet with her tight vocal chords. if u know what i mean. all else aside, she's still around after all this while. and last we heard of Britney Spears? she got pregnant and thinks shes got the 'Golden Ticket'. that doesnt say much about her being 'stronger' now does it? haha. My dearest 'baby who got hit another time', who would want you after ur new boyfriend ditches you? or husband? or whatever. laughs. well again she (christina) brings forth good pop music, after that fiasco with the song about the fishes, car wash i think. now that was sad. i had dreams about willsmith with a goldfish for a face for weeks. finding nemo is it? i dont know. it was so long ago. well enjoy this nice video i ripped off the net. the link for more videos is atop it.

the 30th mark - Chapter 30. [Jake]

2006-07-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

'i will show you fear in a handful of dust'. T.S. 'Butch' Eliot

I know of a boy who wrote a Final Term Essay on 'My understanding of the truth'. His name was Jake Chambers. He wrote a whole bunch'a things that he didnt remember writing afterwards. but most of it was what happened to him after he died. His teacher thought his symbolic references to his father was intriguing, and arouses much curiosity, but unbeknownst to her it was all the truth and no symbols were used to describe his coke-ridden father. For you who dont know Jake Chambers, theres a series of books from Stephen King - The Dark Towers which might clear up some cobwebs. Thing about it is, the books are fuckin thick each, yet i can never put them down. Thanks to a dear friend of mine who introduced Roland Deschain to me.

im so tired.

2006-07-16T00:58:00.000+08:00

im so tired. i just got back from a tiring, yet fun and endearing outing with my girlfriend, to malaysia, where we ate till our stomach couldnt take anymore, and our guts bursting from all that shopping. but, now a friend called and asked me to come to devils bar to meet him cause apparently theres a group of boys waiting with glee at the entrance to beat his brains in. i just need rest. so i told him to go to another club. thats whgen he got disappoionted and he mentioned that, 'if u were here id have the courage to fight down the great wall of china if must be. but ure not. so i'll just go to another place'. good idea my friend. im sorry. but im drained to my last remaining batteries. even superman got the beating of his life in 'superman returns'. we are only that strong my friend. but we arent made of glass. so if it was me there, id actually just go into the club. haha. contrary to my own rational advice, id actually be jumping with glee to the prospect of a bleeding nose. maybe i could even collect a few mc's from camp while im at it. thing about loyalty to friendship, if we cultivate enough effort, or even slight? we would have scores of people offering their shoulders to us in times of need. this is to all of you who thinks theyre the mona lisa's of the earth. stop bitching. cause one day ud lose all ur friends and thats when ull actually turn Gay. if u werent already. (referring to a certain someone who likes to bitch about my girlfriend). be jolly hirzi. u should be glad people even bother to hold out their hand in kind. like i said. everyone has a life. unfortunately some things bear more importance at a certain point of time. like her need to go out and be happy with me. if u think an extra curricular activity in school merits a certain tongue lashing to a friend, u werent counting ur chickens. man. she's a friend. not ur bloody dart board. think about it. why does so many people hate u at this point of time? can u even count them on ur little fingers? Candice. u went out of line. and if u were apologetic enough as u claim to be ud actually be a little bit more remorseful and not shove it in her face. oh, slap it in her face i mean. u need to look around more. close ur eyes and listen. thats what i like to tell my girlfriend, though shes doing a good job at it already, and thats what im telling u.

Chapter 29 - Spices.

2006-07-08T14:57:00.000+08:00

i think the world is a great big washing machine filled with crap on laundry. so when it spins, the whole machine gets smothered with the days' wastage. but. after continous turns it washes itslef and the laundry clean. some might need more help with clorox, others get whisked with just a simple turn. otherwise, the internal mechanisms of the washing machine is the same as the great big flood that Noah went thro. my point is, like Roland Gilead, i believe the world is weaved with delicate lines that keeps the universe tied together. so what u do today, can and will be reflected on the morrow. good or bad. your karma doesnt really matter actually. every action has an equal an opposite reaction - isaac newton. what im actually driving at is actually the plain fact, that last night i watched mistress of spices. today some guy told me my blog lacks spice. i know. he night be right. but i have to remind him. this blog wasnt meant to be all colorful. i mentioned i lived behind colored doors remember? closed colored doors. i dont open them unless i have to. one thing about me is i totally lack of spice. most people would tell u im the most boring person u could ever talk to. i dontr associate with cliques and i dont have a circle of friends. the friends i do have are people of quality and they will never judge me because im spiceless. theyve watched me grown, watched me 'pop my cherry' (i dont know what the term for guys is), smoked my first weed, and thrown my first punch. the thing about spices, 'passerby', its like the sore thumb. or nail. me? i prefer retaliating. punching second. u obviously dint read my Gai jin entry. im an outsider. but id prefer to stay under the shelter. so no spices for me. "i dont mean to be rude. but ur observation has been noted".

intermission

2006-07-07T19:45:00.000+08:00

Your time has come

Now One fell asleep in the street
and He never woke up
Now One died in pieces
in His bed with the mouth full of bones
And One threatened me long ago when i saw Him
melt in the bright light of day
And One laid to rest in a field under starlings and crows, hey

Now One took some bullets in the chest in a deal gone wrong
One got a little too depressed and He went and jumped the gun
One got shot right in the face and He somehow survived
But He doesn't know my name or who I am
and I'm not surprised, hey

I've seen 50,000 names all engraved on a stone
Most of them, met an early grave years before i was born
All of them left brothers and sisters and mothers behind
And most of their family and friends alive, doing time

I've been wandering sideways
I've stared straight into the sun
Still, I don't know why you're dying
Long before your time has come
Your time has come

Chapter 28th - Gai jin

2006-07-05T13:39:00.000+08:00

the japanese have an old saying. 'the nail that sticks out gets hammered' - The Fast and The Furious (Tokyo Drift)

well. sometimes urges in our feeble hearts desires for attention. we want the whole world to admire our new handphone. and our crazy ass Evo. if we're lucky, they come by and drop compliments. if we aren't? next day our bag gets picked and we lose the 500$ phone we broke our backs to buy.
that is just the easy part. the one thing thing we always forget.. people always talk about our misdemenours to thier friends. society will always find things to gossip about. positive and negative. thats why its the most effective marketing strategy there is. word of mouth. sometimes we unconciously behave like monkeys, cracking jokes than arent funny, being extra obnoxious, and even patronizing. like the nail, we will eventually get hammered. people will talk and soon enough ull notice weird looks everytime u walk down ur school canteen. fucking wankers. u want my p.o.v on the matter? just keep fuck-slapping every mahfahs that looks at you weird? or just plain ignore them and actually fix ur ridiculous habit. the inability to just sit still, listen and look more. i suggest option B. like you, i have been through this. but ive learned to a certain extent that people who like bitcing are usually the ones with the soddened life. my choices consists of only two in life. and it has worked fine, i think. either retaliate and hurt the fucker or just sit still and take in the insults. figure out what works best for you.

27th and counting - All apologies

2006-07-01T12:35:00.000+08:00

to all those kind people whose been bothered by my incessant accidental calls.. i would like to offer my apologies. my phone is suffering from a case of 'keypad lock dysfunction' Laughs. other than that? im lying here on my bed preparing my next blog entry. meanwhile, enjoy these short clips a dear friend of mine took in my camp. Chin, stars in the new hit, 'Tanjong Gul's coming ORD personnel'.

Chapter 26 - Comatose

2006-06-27T17:47:00.000+08:00

we have done many things in life that we regret. only, we dont realise it, till a similar feeling of nostalgia appears, and we hold our hands clasp upon our faces thinking how we could have done it better otherwise. people say our very existence depends on the company of others, and i cant help but agree with them. my routine had been with my girlfriend. without her, id have to look for a new schedule, a different one, but new nonetheless. getting out of our comfort zone might be tough. it might even be incomprehensible to others. but strength lies not in those that choos'th. it is in those that thrives upon adversity and comes out with their fists punching the sky. i have been through this before. and if it happens again ill just have to gather my wits and move along fore i wallow in my own pile of shit.

Chapter 25 Hassan and Hussien

2006-06-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

somebody told me that, 'after taking a few punches, youd realise you were'nt made of glass. and u wont be able to live life unless you push ure limits everyday'. i dint think that guy knew what he was saying. till i became involved in a few fights of my own. gangs dont teach you how to 'live'. on the contrary. you need to learn to stand your own ground. after awhile that violence will grow on you. and believe me when i tell you, you'd pick a fight for the trivial'st reasons just so u can feel alive again. my point become'th, its not the fame, glory or friends that gangs give you that makes u alive, its the ability to fight when youre all alone, the survival instinct. the ability to climb huge shoulders and crack the skull of the bastards head with just your bare fists; not with blunt knives, that gives u the satisfaction of a thousand heroin fix's. i AM promoting violence. it gives u control over the reality of ur already saddened life.
everything around us is a fragment of a tiny droplet on a blade of grass, a grass which is on a huge field under a huge sky. "the dark tower", stephen king. size is supreme. my point is, we have to take control of our lives and stop cringing everytime a geezer tries to fight for what he believes is right. its only right that we take what is ours.

'there was once, a very quiet boy. intelligent, but quiet. he would score high marks for his studies and he would be able to spell difficult words like 'father' 'mother' and 'scissors'. in his class all the girls thought he was unattractive cause all he ever thought about was how to spell that next word. his father would reward him, however, everytime he succeeded, by buying him his favourite stickers and sticker album. he even collected hard to find phonecards and exchanged them with his father's friends cause his classmates had no interest in things like that.

until one day.

the boy was on his way home from school when three teenagers jumped him from behind the walls under a block near his home. the boys grabbed him by the shirt and started to strip his clothes off. ashamed the boy tried his hardest to flee, but to no avail. he cried till his nose bled but the teenagers continued their heinous assault on him. one of the teenagers ran away laughin with manic joy while swinging the boy's trousers over his head. the boy was frightened and ashamed. the attack continued until at the corner of the boy's eyes, he saw a man, tall and thin looking grabbing the manic teenager by the throat and slammed him onto one of the walls. 'if u ever bother my son again, i will fucking kill you. understand?' the man said and the teenager nodded his head desperately like a rat in a cat's mouth, sensing its doom. the teenagers all scurried away after that. and the thin man leaned down and helped the boy up. 'lucky i saw you when i was looking out the kitchen window. come. lets go home. mum's worried about you.'
that day, the boy learned that he would never let his father fight his fights again. he was a man, and men fight their own battles. the thin man had taught him one thing. it doesnt take much courage to stand up to your enemies. all you need is your pride. be proud and stand with your head high even when uve fallen. there will be no pity cause men look down upon the weak. there will only be strength. and strength, that boy promised himself, is what he will keep in his heart till the day he dies.'

two of the teenagers were the brothers Hassan and Hussien. till this day ive not seen or heard from them.

the thin man,in the story, was my father.

Chapter 23 - Smashing Pumpkins

2006-06-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

i just downloaded (yes, pirated) the album machina 2 by smashing pumpkins and id love to tellu. its smashing. unfortunately for u morons who think i just cheated Billy Corgan off 20$ the album's not available on the market. according to them :

"MACHINA II/The Friends & Enemies of Modern Music is a (concept) album by The Smashing Pumpkins released on September 5th, 2000. It is a sequel to MACHINA/The Machines of God and is the sixth album from the Pumpkins. It is a limited pressing of only 25 hand-cut, hand-numbered, vinyl records. It was never commercially released, instead copies were given to close friends of the band with instructions tocirculate the new material as quickly as possible. It consists of three EPs full of B-Sides and alternate versions, and one LP being the actual album."

so. whos the man? Laughs. one track particularly got my attention. its called 'if there is a god'. its just billy corgan and the keys for two minutes. really good shit. two all u devout fans of rock and roll, ud know that their first album cost 23$ when cds were only going at 17$. god damn. anyways, chris cornell, performed at cuba last year. making them the first american band to play in cuba. what im sad to miss though was jane's addiction. i cant seem to find their live gigs anywhere.
well it seems this entry is dedicated to the rockers out there who enjoy real good shit. not your laymans linkin park or even your gay slipknot. they're good, yes. but theyre the reason grunge got out of fashion. AND the death of Kurt Cobain gave way to the likes of Mariah Carey and Boys to Men. 1994. the end of grunge music and the beginning of popular trash. while movies got more and more classier with effects that makes u wanna grow up to be wolverine, music just seem to go downhill. janis joplin, joni mitchell, we dont seem to hear from them anymore. instead we hear kelly clarkson and bloody destiny's child. i might be too opinionated here. but i dont care. Giri taught me that we should expose ourselves to more genres to have a better picture of the music industry, but everytime i do that, i just feel like falling and dying. laughs. who cares about Rihanna? or worse, fuckin alter bridge. the power of music. is most definitely related to drugs, sex and alcohol. the beginnig of music, if u do ur research, is ragtime, where the whites get high on alcohol and sex while the bloody slaves dance to complete noise on stage. then the slaves got sad and came up with improv jazz. or blues. or whatrever. too long. u do the research. just google ' music-the beginnign' haha. i just studied that at SAE. about the drugs sexs and alcohol? i think we need to bring back the hippy era where everyone has something to whine about and much sex ado on the grass.

Bach to old school. : Chapter 24 ( I think )

2006-06-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

it might be presumptuous of me to say that because of my absence, there were a lot of people out there deprived of my generous intellectual prints. However, I don't care. There are many of you who knows the very thickness of my skin, and you also know what a moron I can be when I don't even try my best. Laughs. This idle banter has bored me. ANYWAYS.. For those ignoramus, I am back. The past 21 days confined to the high bloody fences have served nothing but pissed me off even more. I was confined for assaulting an idiot whos pushed his luck too far and got bitchslapped till he ran off crying under the armpits of my senior officer. fuckin hell. He was the one who provoked me. im not violent by nature, (contrary to popular belief). I just get angry more easily than others. Laughs. But this guy, I wasn't sorry at all for hitting him. After the incident, that bloody monkey complained about me, and he complained about every little thing he could to score more sympathy points wit the officer. He mentioned I had a laptop, playstation(its not even mine), television and DVD player in the bunk. And, we smoked inside the bunk and left burning cigarette butts everywhere. I mean.. Who the bloody hell cares? Its the 21st century kiddo.. Nobody cares about stringent rules anymore.. We can bloody fart cigarette smoke if we want to man.. My officer dint mention any of the above to me, but he did send me away for 28 days for assault. That, he said, he couldn't help covering for me. But u know what, I think the one person who suffered wasn't me.. It definitely wasn't him. I think it was my gf. She had to cope for 21 days without my presence and I know its difficult for her. difficult because the last 9 months had been all of us, and depriving one entity from the other it just leaves an incomplete picture. Oh yeah, those of u who are lost, my sentence WAS 28 dayts. But due to my wonderful skills of persuasion and manipulation, I managed to cheat the last seven days of my SOL. I merely mustered my balls and told the Duty Officer that my SOL was done and I could leave for the day, and that idiot simply let me go without checking my proper end date. What a moron.. It teaches us that all u need is just balls and the mastery of basic bullshit to get along well in this world. Anyways, I just want to say something to 'jackASS'. Dude I really wanna meet u man.. U just became my newest Singapore idol. If ur girly ass is so cute ure afraid to tell me ur particulars so i can call u and arrange an ass whipping session, u can send it to my email. kronikar@hotmail. And its at .Com. In case ure dumb enough not to know.

ive got a lot of anger and I need a punching bag.

Chappy 7 - The girlfriend's woe.

2006-06-21T22:25:00.000+08:00

She's waiting for the boyfriend to post Chapter 20 & 21.

But he's obviously just playing his mahjong on her laptop.

It's so infuriating. And yet, he's still telling me, he won 4 Tai .. =/

Who's going to volunteer to play mahjong with me? I feel an itch suddenly.

Chappy 5 - The girlfriend rants.

2006-06-12T20:15:00.000+08:00

I BLOODY ~~hate~~ABHOR TAXI DRIVERS..
that take their own sweet time.

Why do people insist on taking a cab? BECAUSE they need to reach their destination on time (not forgetting that some people are just plain lazy or sick). But what happens if you meet a taxi driver that goes really really snail-like slowly; you'd get extremely pissed.

and no, i'm not speaking about taxi drivers in general. there are certain ones that are really nice, and keep you entertained in the taxi- talking to you about politics, school,work etc. - those are really nice drivers.

I took a cab at AMK central- i laid back down against the chair and told the uncle, "uncle, pls take me to wdls street 41." He nodded and said, "woodlands ar.." and i thought he knew. So yea, fine. I took the cab, coughing like a mad dog at the back of the seat because I walked too long and I started having a little asthmatic feeling in the taxi.

We reached the "Woodlands Ave 12" exit, and he asked me if we should turn left here and I said to his white hair, "nooo. the one in front pls, woodlands new town." and he blatanly exited at wdls ave 12. I thought okay fine, he knows the way, let him be the man.. but noooo, suddenly he drove really slowly- uncertain of where to go.

I broke the ice and said, "Uncle, I'm not sure where I am.. so you got to lead the way from here okay?" I thought, fuck, i'm going to end up paying 1 or 2 dollars more for this sicko uncle's wrong turn.

But luckily I saw familiar grounds- Christ Church Secondary. Ah, I took over. I said, "Uncle I know the way. so go straight all the way okay?" He nodded, and everytime there was a turning to the left or the right, he'd go really slowly, uncertain whether he should turn or not.. so I said, "nooo.. uncle, my house is pretty far from here.. just keep going straight, i'll tell you where to turn,"

so again, he kept going.. suddenly he didnt go slow at every turning he saw, he went slow everytime he met a car that was turning left or right.. and he WOULD PURPOSELY wait behind the car, then go straight. i mean, what the fuckk.. couldn't he just followed the lane that didn't have a car turning left/right?

I wanted to go straight.. -.-"

Lucky when I finally reached my block, he didn't charge me for the 10cent. like, really meticulously dig out 90cents to return me. HAH.

ANGER built within, but i'm okay now. There are other cab drivers much better. (:

Chappy 4 - The girlfriend's been missing.

2006-06-09T10:42:00.000+08:00

The only thing left sane in this blog is still the tagboard where occasionally, some people leave their prints there. Other than that, this blog is just stagnant. The boyfriend can't blog 'cos he's been confined in camp for the last, (i dont even want to mention how long) 14 days. And he's got a bit about 14 days to go, if i'm not wrong.

Pardon him for that, but so has the girlfriend been missing. Not missing the own boyfriend, but just missing from this blog scene too. Everything's been falling apart for me. I've been sick the last 4 days, yes 4 days! And no, I'm still not cured yet.

And I had to go to Singapore Idol last night and screamed my lungs off. RAWRS. So now, the syndrome of illness is back. The nose bleeds a crimson red, (not too pink, not too bloody red.) The phlegm comes in bulk, over and over again. The throat itches like a mosquito bite, The occasional shiver comes into play. I AM STILL VERY COLD.

But is the girlfriend doing anything about it? NOOOOO. She's been eating Fishball noodle, with "ALOT OF CHILLI HOR AUNTIE..." and been eating Ramen Noodles (Maggi Noodles) that has "SPICY" on its' packaging. Hell, the boyfriend doesn't know.

And is the boyfriend doing anything about it? Well, sorta. At least he's been asking me to drink plenty of water, and asking me not to go shopping with the friends so that I can stay home and rest. He's been asking me to cab my way everywhere I go 'cos I can barely stand.

Right. But most of all that the girlfriend's been missing, the girlfriend's been missing the boyfriend.

I miss you *wiggly face :/

Chappy 3 * Narcoticizing Dysfunction

2006-06-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

Ah, when we watched Sept 11's case of terrorist back a few years ago, we felt like we were involved. Why? We felt as though we knew what was happening. We thought we could feel them. Okay, maybe not Sept 11 case.

How about Tsunami? We wanted so bad to feel exactly how they felt. We thought we knew what was going on. The floods, the rush of emotions, the loss of family members; we felt for them. We emphatized them. We thought we knew what happened.

We thought we were involved.

Clearly, we were just well-informed. The media portrays it as though we knew exactly what happened. Well, then, kudos to the media industry because they knew what we wanted. They evidently have done their job by sensationalizing their stories in order for us to feel exactly what the victims of the Sept 11 case, tsunami, hurricane katrina or the recent Indonesian quake. We could feel them.

We think the end of the world is coming. Dooms' Day is coming. Why? through word of mouth. Why? through media.

Is it really true? (No offence to any religion) but I feel otherwise. I think it's just a hypothesis of a normal human being. People pass messages, like the Y2K bug. People thought when the clock struck 12 on 31st Dec 1999, we would all die.. But welcome to the club. Today is the 4th of June 2006 and I'm still alive.

Media. This is what we call Narcoticizing Dysfunction.

-Lyn

* Chappy 2.

2006-06-03T16:20:00.000+08:00

I've been asked to update, and oh-how-lovely I feel. I absolutely have nothing to blog about, but I've to just keep posting entries after entries in order to fill this blog and my blog.

HAH! We should have a combined blog! Like Hazmi and Farhana (oh, how sweet!). The pros and cons?

PROS:
It'll be much easier for me.
It'll be much easier for you guys - just visit one blog.
It might just bring us closer, i think.

CONS:
err.. I'd be eating his privacy.
He'd be eating my privacy.
He'll be able to edit my entries.

Okay, that settles, I'll ask the boyfriend about it. HAH!

eek, I spoke to charlyn (i love her name! its so weird.), and she asked me why I didn't put "What if we break up?" as CONS? HAH! the idea is not to even think about it, silly!

Oh, just received a call. Need to go out now. TATA. Will blog later, i promise. =x (crosses finger)

Chappy 1 - The girlfriend's turn to talk.

2006-05-31T21:55:00.001+08:00

Ah, the smell of a virgin ground. Though I really wonder how it tastes like.

I haven't had a time to sit down in front of the computer and blast my life away just looking through blogs after blogs, but you get the idea. I descended here upon the request of Khairul Ismail because because. (and that WAS a full-stop there)

This blog has become obsolete once again, and clearly it needs some spicing up. So here I am, trying to do the job. But what do I get? A writer's mental block. I read the boyfriend's past entries and I feel that i'll pale in comparison. And yes, for all that, don't try to laugh at me. I'm trying my best to improve my language, my persona and my writing.

Something that I'd eventually have to take upon. Something that Khairul wants me to improve oh so much. "Your article is fairly good to read. Entertaining, but boring to the end." Thanks ~~ah.~~ That was ~~damn~~ encouraging.

Oh yes, one more thing. I have developed a new invisible friend. I was unable to come up with a name. But the boyfriend thinks I should name her "Bitch" so there'd be a threesome-ish thing going on here. So here's the deal. I have a new friend. She's invisible. Her name's 'Bitch'. We have so much fun together painting our nails, digging our ears, typing the keyboard, eating, shopping and doing all the sexual stuffs together.

I think I might just take her to bed now. Maybe we can get some good humping going on.

Nah, not a good idea. And boy, I'm not a SEX MANIAC okay?

Maybe I should dedicate this entry to the boyfriend. He's obnoxious and he burps in your face. He makes me pull his finger so he can fart. He'd snore so really loudly everytime he sleeps. He'd make stupid face to annoy you. Sticks his finger in your nose, or worst, use your finger to stick into his nose.

God, what am I doing? This is HIS blog and HE will have every right to delete this. But let me tell you what he's capable of. His all so fucking fine body is what he's capable of. He has the essence of a man in him. One that stands so strong in times of turmoil. He pushes you in times of your trouble and makes sure you grow up independently. In other words, he won't be there when you need him. he won't give you comfort when you need it. (cue: Laugh) BUT there's a really softie side in him which only will be shown in certain days and time. You must meet the correct time, then he'll be singing and being very happy about everything. Those are the times when he'd love me like he's never loved before.

He'd make me sit close to him when we're eating at Pizza Hut, and make us share a menu so that he'd be able to put his arms around me. He'd hold my hands when he knows I'm scared. He'd carry me when I'm drunk and talking rubbish. (Yes, that was so sweet!) May I emphasize that I WAS indeed very wasted, but he was carrying me stairs up. He'd loved to desert me when I'm drunk and leave me sitting under the block, but NO.. he turned around and carried me. How sweet can he get?

Like every other boyfriend, he'd stand by me when I get dirty looks from old man and banglahdeshis-which-he-so-hate. He'll pull me to a corner to steal quick kisses as and when he can. He'd cover me with the blanket if I sleep before him. He'll be quick and up and about the moment I say, "go off the lights." He's so comfortable to be with. It's like your every other rendition of the true one man that would love you for who you are not for what you're made of come true in him.

He'd understand when i'm PMS-ing, but of course the occassional "can you quit whining?". What's more? HE for one, understands when I tell him "Dear, It's flowing like a river.." and he doesn't say "ILL.." at that. OH OH OH! I'll call him up and say "Dear, I don't have pad, and i think it's coming.." and he'll carry one of his sister's one in his back pocket to come meet me. HOW SWEET IS THAT!?

Again I say, I don't know why I complain so much sometimes. He's such a darling.

Yea, And even though he's such a bitch at times, I love him all the same. If you need a man, he's the man. However, he's MY man.

Well, here's a toast to our relationship. Cheers darH-ling.

Chapter 22 - Cfa 6

2006-05-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

It might just be fuckin high time i slap myself in the head and fall myself onto my bed. im so tired id dare say my bones grow weary by the second rippling, under a heavy wait of osteoporosis. well.. it was a long time since i actually penned my papers, but i have a feeling i would not want to disappoint my faithful readers. "please allow me to introduce myself, im a man of wealthy taste", crooned dave navarro. well said. there were many instances in these past few ddays when i felt that i had blood in my veins. i was alive, having fun, and realising the immortality of my fragileless corpse. i met many new friends. the pretty, the ugly and generous gunslingers of Generation-Y. for instance CFA 6 was a screamer,and all the freshies seemed to be having loats of fun.im glad i managed to contribute to this event.

Chapter 20

2006-04-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

i love her. (to be cont'd)

Doppelganger deux - Chapter 19

2006-04-13T17:18:00.000+08:00

Do you have an exact double somewhere in the world? Can a person be in two places at once? There are many intriguing accounts throughout history of people who claim to have either encountered apparitions of themselves - their doppelgangers - or have experienced the phenomenon of bilocation, being in two separate locations at the very same time.

"Doppelganger" is German for "double walker" - a shadow self that is thought to accompany every person. Traditionally, it is said that only the owner of the doppelganger can see this phantom self, and that it can be a harbinger of death. Occasionally, however, a doppelganger can be seen by a person's friends or family, resulting in quite a bit of confusion.

In instances of bilocation, a person can either spontaneously or willingly project his or her double, known as a "wraith," to a remote location. This double is indistinguishable from the real person and can interact with others just as the real person would.

Emilie Sagée

One of the most fascinating reports of a doppelganger comes from American writer Robert Dale Owen who was told the story by Julie von Güldenstubbe, the second daughter of the Baron von Güldenstubbe. In 1845, when von Güldenstubbe was 13, she attended Pensionat von Neuwelcke, an exclusive girl's school near Wolmar in what is now Latvia. One of her teachers was a 32-year-old French woman named Emilie Sagée. And although the school's administration was quite pleased with Sagée's performance, she soon became the object of rumor and odd speculation. Sagée, it seemed, had a double that would appear and disappear in full view of the students.

In the middle of class one day, while Sagée was writing on the blackboard, her exact double appeared beside her. The doppelganger precisely copied the teacher's every move as she wrote, except that it did not hold any chalk. The event was witnessed by 13 students in the classroom. A similar incident was reported at dinner one evening when Sagée's doppelganger was seen standing behind her, mimicking the movements of her eating, although it held no utensils.

The doppelganger did not always echo her movements, however. On several occasions, Sagée would be seen in one part of the school when it was known that she was in another at that time. The most astonishing instance of this took place in full view of the entire student body of 42 students on a summer day in 1846. The girls were all assembled in the school hall for their sewing and embroidery lessons. As they sat at the long tables working, they could clearly see Sagée in the school's garden gathering flowers. Another teacher was supervising the children. When this teacher left the room to talk to the headmistress, Sagée's doppelganger appeared in her chair - while the real Sagée could still be seen in the garden. The students noted that Sagée's movements in the garden looked tired while the doppelganger sat motionless. Two brave girls approached the phantom and tried to touch it, but felt an odd resistance in the air surrounding it. One girl actually stepped between the teacher's chair and the table, passing right through the apparition, which remained motionless. It then slowly vanished.

Sagée claimed never to have seen the doppelganger herself, but said that whenever it was said to appear, she felt drained and fatigued. Her physical color even seemed to pale at those times.

Famous Doppelgangers

There have been many cases of doppelgangers appearing to well-known figures:

* Guy de Maupassant, the French novelist and short story writer, claimed to have been haunted by his doppelganger near the end of his life. On one occasion, he said, this double entered his room, took a seat opposite him and began to dictate what de Maupassant was writing. He wrote about this experience in his short story "Lui."
* John Donne, the 16th century English poet whose work often touched on the metaphysical, was visited by a doppelganger while he was in Paris - not his, but his wife's. She appeared to him holding a newborn baby. Donne's wife was pregnant at the time, but the apparition was a portent of great sadness. At the same moment that the doppelganger appeared, his wife had given birth to a stillborn child.
* Percy Bysshe Shelley, still considered one of the greatest poets of the English language, encountered his doppelganger in Italy. The phantom silently pointed toward the Mediterranean Sea. Not long after, and shortly before his 30th birthday in 1822, Shelley died in a sailing accident - drowned in the Mediterranean Sea.
* Queen Elizabeth I of England was shocked to see her doppelganger laid out on her bed. The queen died shortly thereafter.
* In a case that suggests that doppelgangers might have something to do with time or dimensional shifts, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the 18th century German poet, confronted his doppelganger while riding on the road to Drusenheim. Riding toward him was his exact double, but wearing a gray suit trimmed in gold. Eight years later, von Goethe was again traveling on the same road, but in the opposite direction. He then realized he was wearing the very gray suit trimmed in gold that he had seen on his double eight years earlier! Had von Goethe seen his future self?
Bilocation seems to be the flip side of the doppelganger coin. One of the most astonishing cases took place in the 1620s. In 1622, Father Alonzo de Benavides was assigned to the Isolita Mission in what is now New Mexico. He was puzzled to encounter Jamano Indians who, although they seemed never before to have met French or Spanish peoples, carried crosses, knew Roman Catholic rituals, had altars and knew Catholic liturgy - all in their native tongue.

Father Benavides wrote to both Pope Urban VII and King Philip of Spain to find out who had been there before him, obviously working to convert the Indians. The response was that no one had been sent previously. The Indians told him that they had been instructed in Christianity by a beautiful young "lady in blue" who came among them for many years and taught them this new religion in their own language. She also told them that white-skinned people would soon arrive in their land. "She came down from the heights to us," the Indians said, "she taught us the new religion, she stayed among us for a time, she told us you would come and to make you welcome, and then she went away. That’s all we know."

The Indians told him that they had been instructed in Christianity by a beautiful young "lady in blue" who came among them for many years and taught them this new religion in their own language.

Who was this mysterious lady in blue? Father Benavides knew that the nuns of the Poor Clare order wore blue habits and thought there might be a clue there. He found a painting of a Poor Clare nun and showed it to the Jamanos. "Is this the woman?" he asked. The dress was right, the Indians told him, but this was not the woman. The woman in the painting was rather portly, but the lady in blue was young and beautiful.

When he returned to Spain, Father Benavides was determined to solve the mystery. How could the Indians have encountered a Poor Clare nun when they were a cloistered order: from the day they took their vows until their deaths, the nuns never left their convents, much less traveled to distant lands on missions. His investigation led him to Sister Mary of Jesus in Agreda, Spain, who claimed to have converted North American Indians - without leaving her convent. Now 29 and Mother Superior of the convent, Sister Mary said she had visited the Indians "not in body, but in spirit."

Sister Mary said she regularly fell into a cataleptic trance, after which she recalled "dreams" in which she was carried to a strange and wild land, where she taught the gospel. As proof of her claim, she was able to provide highly detailed descriptions of the Jamano Indians, including their appearance, clothing and customs, none of which she could have learned through research since they were fairly recently discovered by the Europeans. How did she learn their language? "I didn’t," she replied. "I simply spoke to them - and God let us understand one another."

Sister Mary is also said to have appeared to Mexican Indians, who said they had been visited by "a very beautiful woman, who used to come down from the heights, dressed in blue garments."

Other Accounts of Bilocation

There are many more anecdotes of bilocation, especially of saints, clergy and other religious figures:

* In 1227, St. Anthony of Padua, a Portuguese Franciscan friar, was in Limoges, France on Holy Thursday giving a sermon. During the sermon, he remembered that he was obliged to be chanting prayers with his fellow friars in their chapel across town. Realizing this, he stopped his sermon, knelt on the spot, pulled his hood over his head and became quite still. At that moment, Friar Anthony appeared in the chapel and chanted the prayers as required. When they were done, he simultaneously withdrew from the chapel and raised his head at the church - and continued with his sermon.
* St. Alphonsus Liguori was bishop of St. Agata dei Goti in 1774 when he experienced his bilocation. While in his palace near Naples, the bishop fell into a trance and at once appeared at the Vatican in Rome, in the bed chamber of Pope Clement XIV, who was dying. The bishop assisted those attending the Pontiff and prayed with those present. He remained until the Pope died, then "awoke" back in his palace, able to describe what he had just experienced.
* In 1905, Sir Gilbert Parker, a member of the British Parliament, was attending a debate in the House of Commons. During the debate, he noted that Sir Frederick Carne Rasch was also present, sitting in his usual spot. Yet this was impossible since Sir Frederick was quite ill with with flu and, according to members of his household, remained in bed throughout the day. Apparently, Rasch's double was determined to hear the debate.

Chapter 18.5

2006-04-12T10:51:00.000+08:00

i cant wait to ORD.

Chapter 18.25 :Gone with the nymph

2006-04-07T00:46:00.000+08:00

i scratch my newly acquired bald head thinking about the boorish manner i have been treating carolyn. she's been putting heads and heels to try and make me happy. doing her best, though at times overly enthusiastic about it. i have found love in her. i really do. cherish the orange sun as it rises daily, swims in her face as i awake my knees 'r jolly. she's all i think about everyday. but why do i resist her painful attempts at trying to reach into my heart? rephrase. i never reject her. i wholesomely accept her love and rest my heads on her busoms for comfort. but the thing is, i do not ask for persistence. i ask for her to love me at a leisure pace. its tiring for you dear, i know. for all the arguments we've had, i was none the wiser to tell u off when u try to put a smile on my face. u are a sweetheart. and i dedicate this entry in the memory that u know. u know i love u more than the sun itself.

Chapter 18

2006-04-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

Remember, remember the fifth of november,
the gunpowder, treason and plot.

V for Vendetta is a movie that proves everything i stand for is not my own concoction. the theories are similar. though i would like to clarify i do not have any political grudges against my own capable government. unfortunately, it is the thinking of the masses that i am more concerned about. the naive and comfortable idea that all is well. we have much to learn from V. suffice to say, i would only wish to commend the makers of the movie for a valiant effort.

Placebo - Pure Morning

2006-03-29T19:14:00.000+08:00

A friend in need is a friend indeed,
a friend with weed is better.
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
a friend who's dressed in leather.
A friend in need is a friend indeed,
a friend who tease is better.
Our thoughts compressed which makes us blessed
and makes more stormy weather.
A friend in need is a friend indeed,
my Japanese's better.
And when she's pressed she will undress
and then she's boxing clever.
A friend in need is a friend indeed,
a friend who bleeds is better.
My friend confessed she passed the test,
and we will never sever.
Days Dawning, Skin's Crawling.
Pure Morning.

Chapter 17

2006-03-21T22:07:00.000+08:00

Newton's third law of motion states that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction.
where ever we go, we experience a transcedental jump. unknown to us, we go through portals, skim through space and fly amongst the birds. on the train we juggle our thoughts and fiddle with our fingers. on the bus we shake our legs hoping the bus would go faster. in the cab, we strike useless conversations with the cab driver. in our cars, we sing along to the gay music that we dont want anyone else to know we're listening to. we are constantly a thinking organism. our brain works. and you know when it's angry. i know mines pissed off. every time i reach out for a cigarette i feel a headrush. sometimes when i try to eat, my molars give off a sharp tingly feeling that i cant comprehend to stop. and, my hands refuse to listen to me everytime i reach out to grab the broom.
the law of karma states what goes around comes around. newton mentioned it too. so it cant be wrong. the next question then, what has come around to me? what consequences am i going through at this present time? ive felt it all. ive been through it all. its no longer intimidating. but i realise there's a weakness. my inability to socialise wel with people for a long period of time. a friend taught me that we only need acquaintances. friends are only burdens that we are not strong enough to carry. i realise he was right, when he went to prison for an asshole that managed to talk him into robbing another friends house. another aspect would be my inadequacy to commit into a relationship for long. i have not actually been with a girl for more than a year ever since Allison. but i think even then i was stuck with the circumstances that i was in secondary school with her and it was inevitable that we stuck together that long. so whats the problem? am i doomed to spend the rest of my life alone? well. to think about it, it really is not eternal damnation. being alone is the one actual liberation a person can have. so i think, karma hasn't gotten me yet. not yet. but im ready when it comes. i embrace death. for i believe that death is only a bridge. a painful process that will bring you to the other side. into a place much more beautiful than this. where even the average nerd can get laid. where the strongest jock doesnt exist and where all people will be recreated equal.

Chapter 16

2006-03-19T04:25:00.000+08:00

Im aloof. Conditioned to belief the matters ahead be controlled by the anonymous hands of karma.some things are unavoidable. people say we need patience. i say we need endurance. every once in awhile, in our life comes a dick that likes to shove his thorn into your foot. the dominating arsehole. i choose not to oblige him. for reasons only selfish to myself i let him be the man.

Chapter 15

2006-03-16T00:04:00.000+08:00

its midnight. my weary eyes are telling me things that arent real. flying sheep cupped in milk strawberry. i am very tired. i told myself, in a previous life that i shant succumb to a workaholic's routine. but here i am contradicting myself. i just came back off a 3 days 2 nights camp. it was fun and enriching.. though i could do away with a little more rest.. not that i dont sneak some winks into the programme outline.. haha. but ive made some new friends. and theyre a very unique lot. prefects and student leaders of Kranji Secondary School, they came into our camp rather reserved, and apprehensive. but ended the camp with a very big warmth felt by all our trainers. it didnt feel like a Leadership Camp to me. on the contrary, i learnt mnore from the kids than i think they learnt from me. all in all, i hope they can benefit from what i thought them and handle their charges better after the camp. i hope, Jurongville will be just as enthu and arrive with a willingness to learn. i am proud of my Kranjians for completing Cheers Connect's Leadership camp. Kudos!

Chapter 14.5 - On a Plain

2006-03-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

i sometimes wonder, why i bother to write such long blogs when it has no actual relevance to my sorry life. today, me and carolyn turn six months. we did nothing much 'cept to facilitate some kids from northbrooks on their TAF programme. it was tough considering we walked all of Sentosa. but it was fun nonetheless. i feel that it was a rather sad way to spend our half anni. we havent been that close and intimate for awhile and sometimes it does bother me, contrary to what she thinks. AND, i also wonder whats the use of us saving so much money.. haha. im so tired i cant sleep. (penny royaltea) what the hell am i trying to say.. in a dream our memories is stored.. im on a plain.

Chapter 14.25 - Sweatshops

2006-03-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

'who needs action when you got words' - Kurt

nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop, an illustrated book about birds. see alot up there but dont be scared.
kurt wrote a song about people chasing the 'DREAM'. ultimately when we die we'll still be holding a mop and a bucket. still slave to the pigs. u know the term 'meat puppets'? only skin on a puppet pinnochio.
well, some idiots out there are protesting vehemently about the cruelty of 'sweatshops'. (places of labour where the workers are underpaid, and overworked. child labour also applies) fucking wankers. u know the exact reason we need a job? is to feed our mouths. why do you think they succumb in the first place. the correct argument should be, leave the jobs to the locals. more and more people are pouring from overseas to find work. depriving our locals the little jobs there is out there. these bastards are reducing the quality, and overall income structure. we use to earn a lot of money working at the construction site. now? the contractors pay nuts cause they know cheap labour is available everywhere. but you know what? its the old local aunties i see sweeping the floor under the hot sun while the foreign workers sit chatting next to an overflowing rubbish bin. this is the sight i see everyday in my camp. repulsive. yes. thats why i tekan them. scold them every chance i get and everytime i see them slacking. this place doesnt feel like home anymore. our seats on the train are occupied by eager foreigners every peak hour instead of our old local women. they were'nt trained to be courteous, to stand behind the arrow and wait for the people to get off the train first. instead they swarm and stomp all over our singaporeans as if this was their homeland. i know, their presence is economically beneficial. but we got along fine without them before the 1997-1998 immigrant craze. i suggest the Immigrations Department do something about this fast. or else, we'll lose every campaign invested on this country since the birth of our great leader, LKY.

Chapter 14

2006-03-03T23:15:00.000+08:00

our vocal frequencies, placed perfectly empty amongst the guitar, drums, and bass. on the cd. we isolate each instrument in their allocated tracks to prevent 'frequency clashes' so we produce music. not noise. that is how society separates us. into classes. we are becoming more and more like the third world countries. contrary to the propaganda they're feeding into our heads. we're separated into CASTES. one example, u notice how the cigarette prices were raised? tax levied? a pack of Viceroy's costs under $9. while a pack of Marlboro's costs about $11. when we walk around coffeeshops we can see that the lower income will smoke either rolled tobacco, or Viceroys. While the people at clubs, or restaurants smoke Marlboros or even pipes. cars; some luxury car companies do not sell to the poor and those looking to pay on installments. even our hospitals have class A, and Class B. where has equality gone to? i emphasise. it is still about the money. equality has never existed. never a female president, (Singapore). ditto equality of the sexes. money is what drives everybody. we bust our balls day in and day out to prove to 'somebody' we're better than them. not to feed our children anymore but for plain ego-boosting. proof? more and more expatriates do not get married till they're really old. they reasoned that having children would only hinder their progress up the corporate ladder. if u ask me? fuck that. we shant care for the likes of others. it be our own existence that we should pay more attention to.

Chapter 13 1/2

2006-02-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments - William H. Borah

Chapter 13

2006-02-26T14:07:00.000+08:00

did u know that Kurt Daniel Cobain died with Diazepams in his blood? enough to kill, quote "a non-addict three times over"? that is my staple for catching zzz's. i am frightened sometimes thta i will overstep the limit, override the tide that brings me ashore. my dearest restless. why do we bring this upon ourselves? did we not learn the dangers our habits have on our fragile lives? we are only human. and sometimes i read about death i am only duly reminded that our lives are but trivial points of the quadratic triangle. meaningless. neverending line that only curves sharply at certain points. sadly the choices we make determine the end we will succumb to.

we annoint ourselves the need to be extravagant. the need to prove to the next door neighbour we are better than them. richer than them. the paperchase is proof. it is no longer about surviving. it is about ego-clashing. we demand respect when we forget it is earned. we forge our personalities when we realise we are actually carbon copies. there are people debating whether the legend behind the da vinci code is authentic? again we forget. religion is about self preservation. not which is better. we revolve again and again around producing. producing a cure, producing a machine that will make our lives better. think harder my intellectual comrades. why dont we cut the problem at its roots? AIDS for example. we have not a cure. yet no one is stepping up to suggest that we eradicate the ones who already have the disease. ethics demand that we be humane. but why? round them up, throw them in a gas chamber and zyklon-b them all to hell. wont that be cheaper? and more economically rational? i am not saying i might not end up on the receiving end. if i was i would keep the abomination in myself and not spread it further. no cure means attack the source. bird flu? fucking kill all the birds and eradicate chickens from our daily source of energy. we can eat other animals. Mad cow disease, Dengue. think deeeper. its easier to cut those mum fuckers at their legs thatn worry about the cure. you know what i think? when some idiot in a lab discover a cure, the pharmacuetical companies have something to rejoice about. more revenue from the sick they say. maybe thats why. thats why theyd rather invest millions on research and development, then spend millions on seek and destroy. Salem witch trials. poor bitches were burned and hung on a stake for their alleged dabbling in witchcraft. everybody thought they were a threat, so the witches die. who knows? if we were 'civilised' back then, we would probably be living in a world where wizadry and witchcraft be emanant. flying brooms and lightning wands. Who fucking knows.

Chapter 12 1/2 - Assumption English School

2006-02-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

one of the most notorious lot ive seen since my school days. haha. the most difficult, the most stubborn, the most challenging group of students any man or woman can facilitate. not to mention the most irritating boy ive ever met in my entire life. Nelson. he is definitely worth the mention. HOWEVER, will i not fail to mention, the most fulfiling, loving, and exponential experience ive ever had. i will miss them. the students have left an impact on my life irerasable. and i will always remember their smiles, their tantrums, and their incredibly resilient attitude to achieve. their teacher said something i didnt agree. he said that,"all of you have a dilly dally attitude that i hope would disappear after the camp, but obviously, it hasnt". i say, they are the most robust team of youths you can find anywhere on our tiny island. we must encourage them sir. not put them down. our kids are made of bricks. not mud. so we must hone their skills, intellect and talents and show them what they can do if they put their hearts into it. i am proud of my Assumptionites. Congratulations for completing the L.O.S.T programme.

Chapter 12

2006-02-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

you know kids? they are mechanical robots waiting to get their buttons pushed. theyre like a time bomb waiting to explode at the last minute, provided u clip the right wires.we all are mechnics. machina. thats why we have mechanical parts that move when we send signals down our veins thru our brain. the central processing unit.

Chapter 11

2006-02-21T02:23:00.000+08:00

forgive me. for i have sinned. there was one night where i couldnt sleep. and i could not sleep. eyes blinking and body tossing, i grabbed the nearest comfort i could find, my bag of pills. ataracs, valiums, u name it. i have it. little sweets that sings lullabys to the weary at heart. i have grown nocturnal. and without my sweets, i am a wailing owl. readers beware. my only love have sprung from my only hate. i used to preach, 'no drugs. drugs will kill you'. but now, i am addicted to a different yet similar form of aphrodisiac. my diazepams. i need my lullaby dear lord. for without it, i will lay awake, like a dracula waiting for the next available high-by that would pass my path. i gather the reasons to my insomnia. my psychiatrist told me, it was a pivotal point, a lifechanging event that triggered a sort of worry in my subconscious mind. but how is it? i am happy now. my life has gone beautifully since the ugliness of my pass. my gf has been amazing. yet. the psychoanalysist says taht i am very much in thought. how can i? i have not expressed any to my gf. nor my friends. is it trapped in the outer regions of my frontal lobe? waiting to be tapped like gold in a safe deposit box? or is it simply denial? the defiance that i am ok? that i am an ox overcoming gravity? .... .... i am unclear to the result.

Chapter 10 Fever Pitch

2006-02-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

i have reached a terrifying level of fatigue. complete burnout. grim result of continuous strenous activities back to back. i dont understand why we have a need to do reservist. because of the mum fuckers, i have to bust my balls day in and even day out to bloody serve them coffee. shall i paint your nails too, sir? while we're at it, shall i suck ur dick too? i cant believe the whirlpool of national security involves the snowball landslide of troubled men. one person cries, the other wipes his tears. the other person cries somebody else wipes his tears. why dont we just cut it at its roots? adieu. we are all esclavo to the music. nanonuggets in a giga-glad world.

Animosity: Chapter 9

2006-02-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

unbeknownst. we float thru time assuming a constant stability of routine. a security that tomorrow will be the same. same people to meet, same people to love, same people to kiss. but how fickle we are. the human mind believes only what it wants to. the human minds seeps through the pores that is most loose. and ignore the tighter ones. too much of a challenge we say.
i want somebody who can breathe life into me. not choke me to death. although i know shes the best thing that has ever happened in my life, i always feel that she's gnawing at my sides all day and all night. probably its the age gap. and the blood sugar level. i am more subdued and temperamental. she? is more loud and obnoxious. i do not hate you dear. but i hope u learn something from this relationship. the harder you hold the more the rock will leak out of your hands.
we always think we can escape death. we are always on a railtrack, gunning to the direction we're heading and ignoring the beatiful sights thats breezing by our window. i have been to so many places this past days and ive seen a few things that i wont see on a 'normal' day. just this morning i was on the field sending rations to the reservists, i bashed through this quiet corner of the jungle with my friend. suddenly, just across a spider-web infested area, we spot a small green booth. it was reamed with tall grass and vines were hugging the entrance as though taunting me to cut through it. of course i did, with my trusty improvised rock-knife, i sliced open the vines and there it was sitting right in front of me.. an old and ruined statue sits on the end of the hut defiantly staring at me. it was creepy but me and my friend were hoping to find treasure behind it. how foolish of us.instead, when we made our way back to our campsite, we were scolded for deserting the troops and leaving everyone hungry. laughs. but it was fun though.

Chapter 8

2006-02-14T00:21:00.000+08:00

walking? the act of moving your feet in sync with the rhythm, left, to right. trekking? the act of busting your balls from the bus stop opposite Assumption English School to Macritchie to Shunfu to Thompson Plaza. crazy.. what kind of crazy ass psychos walk so far just to sit in a room sweating and have a meeting? haha. i tell you who they are. theyre Cheers Connect International. an organisation that serves the society with much fervour, and determination, you just cant help but sing along. sometimes, i wonder if im in the right club. im not gay by nature, though i am a little impulsive and spontaneous, and i sometimes feel uncomfortable with the fun we're having. but they always manage to loosen me up. by the way guys, thanks for the tee. im gonna engrave my name on its sleeve. Cheerios by nature! haha.. the side.. the side.. the side the front th....

Chapter 7 1/2 - grey Goose

2006-02-09T16:39:00.000+08:00

haha. we think we're living in a perfect world where everybody is perfect and healthy. expecting sobrierity of the mind from all, expecting everybody to raise up their hands when they feel like asking a question. i was rudely awakened this morning. i made a visit to the Institute of Mental Health. and i saw a few damn sick people. i do not feel sorry for them, on the contrary, i am envious. to be allowed to only drift endlessly and do nothing. just stare at passer bys and ask them for cigarettes. haha. yes, i was approached by three different people for a stick of my fag. i gave my cigarettes to them. except the last guy? i told him off cause you cant expect me to be santa claus giving away gifts to psycho paths ay?
"congratulations you have won, it a years subscription of bad puns. and it makes your story our concern and we'll set it up before it burns", Cobain, opinions.

Chapter 7

2006-02-06T21:28:00.000+08:00

we walk on water that whirls under our feet as our tender nails gnaw onto its surface. thank heavens we have our knees to fall on if the water under us gives way. drowning us in eternal misery. under the waters we'll be drowning with the fishes. thrashing our hands would be fruitless. kicking our legs would only sink us faster. but if we only lie still, death would squeeze our lungs much more gentler, breathing pestilence into our mouths much quicker. the transition would be inevitable. its the due process, the instructions followed that secures us a place in purgatory. feed the gods, the inhumans say.

the squirrels nibble on the jagged walnut yet not cracking a tooth. how is that so? a snake feeds the Mother an apple, and we suffer from her mistakes.

we are doomed from birth.

Chapter 6 1/2 - Super Beast

2006-02-05T21:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes when we think we have it good and cant get it any better, something always come by and prove us wrong. yesterday an old friend from the past popped up on my msn. a gem of a brother. we used to do a lot o shit together. firecrackers, weed, pills, women... evrything imaginable, we've done it together. i owe most of my intellectual growth to this man. ha ha. there was this one time even when we were quite drunk and high, we were coerced into tongue kissing each other in a lift. stupid girls mocked us into doing it.. but we werte having so much fun. it was new years eve 03/04 i think. drunk and dead the next day, i crawled my way home from Nabs house. Rahul. sounds like that loser striker from Real Madrid. haha. but he's nothing like that man i call my friend. a brother that's always there even when he wasn't.. (he's always in his own world in his own head) i welcome you back to civilisation man. hopefully we will make loads o dough together man. we'll be rich one day6 if we focus. u know what i mean.

Psychedelic Trips

To Strike a Flint.

an interesting take on equality

I have finally gotten to building an archive.

likes and dislikes.

not a pleasant february

Whats happened lately

Ive got a mission

Overdue candid Pictures

You Tube Stars

*apple bottom jeans, boots wit da fur*

Once upon a time - (the morning of thursday, 25th January)

Rahul Dilip Bam

im turning into such a pussy.

happy birthday baby.

Toby and Fred Perry. the tennis player.

Kisha Cheng

My dream Car

People and Creature very dear to Me now.

Toby eats Durians

an Ikea advertisement.

Rahul

28th December 2007

My New Phone

My New Phone

Jolly little Christmas.

Mazda RX8

ignorance is bliss

i am a monster

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

The Dark Tower Comics - Stephen King

Pictures from Genting

and then there was none

TALK ABOUT BEING IMMATURE

T Shirt Sale! Rare Harry Potter T Shirts.

Marlon Brando (McCarthy), The Brave (1996)

back to basics

today its all about sandwiches

For Fucks Sake

movies

(excerpt from 'psychedelic trips') dated april 2005

my turn to go on a hiatus

Ewan McGregor - Trainspotting

Hymn of the pirate.

Pangaea

Its Me. And Im Home.

the chapter ends here.

Chappy 6 - The girlfriend misses the boyfriend.

the 31st Century.

the 30th mark - Chapter 30. [Jake]

im so tired.

Chapter 29 - Spices.

intermission

Chapter 28th - Gai jin

27th and counting - All apologies

Chapter 26 - Comatose

Chapter 25 Hassan and Hussien

Chapter 23 - Smashing Pumpkins

Bach to old school. : Chapter 24 ( I think )

Chappy 7 - The girlfriend's woe.

Chappy 5 - The girlfriend rants.

Chappy 4 - The girlfriend's been missing.

Chappy 3 * Narcoticizing Dysfunction

* Chappy 2.

Chappy 1 - The girlfriend's turn to talk.

Chapter 22 - Cfa 6

Chapter 20

Doppelganger deux - Chapter 19

Chapter 18.5

Chapter 18.25 :Gone with the nymph

Chapter 18

Placebo - Pure Morning

Chapter 17

Chapter 16

Chapter 15

Chapter 14.5 - On a Plain

Chapter 14.25 - Sweatshops

Chapter 14

Chapter 13 1/2

Chapter 13

apple bottom jeans, boots wit da fur